Life Together

Greetings to All,

     Our “thought” for this week comes from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who was martyred by the Nazi's one month before the end of World War II.  Though his most famous book was, "The Cost of Discipleship" (where he warned people against adopting the unbiblical substitute for real grace which he called "cheap grace") this thought comes from ideas expressed in his superb book on Christian community entitled, "Life Together."   If you have never read it, it is well worth your time (and the price of the book)!   It's all about those things that are necessary for true Christian community to take place.  Enjoy.

     “Acknowledgement of sin in the presence of another brother is a safeguard against self-deception.  It is a curious fact that many people find it easier to confess their sins privately to a holy and sinless God than to openly confess them to an unholy and sinful brother.  If this is so, we must ask ourselves if we are really confessing our sins to God?  We must ask ourselves whether we have not been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God – whether we have not, rather, been confessing our sins to ourselves, and also granting ourselves absolution.  Is this not perhaps the reason for our countless relapses and the feebleness of our Christian obedience?  Is it not to be found precisely in the fact that we are living on self-forgiveness and not a real forgiveness?

     When sin has been brought into the light and confessed it can be forgiven.  Its power can be broken.  It can no longer hold the believer in bondage or tear the fellowship apart.  The sinner can honestly be a sinner and still enjoy the grace of God and the love of the brethren.  This is the moment where fellowship in Christ becomes a profound reality. [When sin is openly confessed – even the worst of sins – and the love of our brethren continues to be extended to us in spite of it, we approach the profound and transforming reality of community.]

     Open confession of sin to another so crucifies one's pride that rarely ever occurs unless a person earnestly yearns to be rid of his sin.  By openly confessing his sin he breaks the habit of secretly cherishing, nurturing or refusing to let it go.  He becomes accountable.  He gains the support of his praying brothers in his fight to overcome its life-polluting influences.  In essence, he begins to live the life of discipleship." 

     Elsewhere Bonhoeffer equated sin with mold that grows in a damp, dark, cool basement.  How does one rid a basement of that growing mold? They open the windows, let the exposure to the air dry it out, and let the bright light of the sun shine upon it until it dries out and is easily brushed off. 

     Confession of sin is like that.  When we expose sin to the light through confession, in the presence of a brother (for me) or sister (for women), it begins to lose it's life or power, dry up and die.  But if we keep it hidden -- locked away in the dark and damp cellar of secret and repressed memories or emotions -- it will only fester and grow. There is healing, as James reminds us, in confession of sin accompanied by prayer for healing (James 5:13-16). 

     "Confession is good for the soul," as the old adage goes. (Yet one must be careful in their selection of a brother (for men) or sister (for women) to confess to. Trust, confidentiality and godliness would be essential traits.)  Hard as it is to expose some things to the light, it is much more harmful to our spirit to hold it in and keep it hidden and shut up in the dark basement of our emotions.

     In the Service of the Gospel and Church, Pastor Jeff

Dear Christian Man, Why Are You So Lonely?

Greetings All!

     This week's "thought" comes to you from Nick DeCola & Ross McCall, and was taken from their blog site "Cru."   It's about men needing male friendship -- what is necessary for that to happen, and what prevents that from happening. And you don't have to be a man to benefit from what is said here!   You may be a wife, brother, sister, child, or teenager soon to be heading into manhood. Or you may have a son, husband or friend who looks down, or feels lonely, and needs male friendships to help him grow,  become more connected, and find more joy and purpose through meaningful relationships with other godly or Christian men. If so, this article is worth a read.  Enjoy.

Dear Christian Man, Why Are You So Lonely?

     Enter the search terms “loneliness” and “men” into Google and notice many options it gives you. Millions. Major media outlets including the Boston Globe, New York Times and Huffington Post have all published studies on the phenomenon of male loneliness and its potential to become a health crisis…  So, what is coming between Christian men and the sense of brotherhood they long for?

Vulnerability scares men more than skydiving.

     Men are the masters of saying a lot without giving much away.  Many men want great friendships without any risk factor. Sharing an area of struggle or telling someone that you want to get to know them better feels risky. It is risky.  People can misunderstand us, judge us or otherwise disappoint us. If we’re honest, we’ve all known some form of rejection in our lives and we’d prefer to avoid that in our future. But the ability to be our authentic selves, our good, bad and ugly selves, is impossible without vulnerability.  Too many men’s events are full of talk about how we can be warriors for God while ignoring the realities of men who are losing their battles. Our common enemy loves to see an isolated Christian, and many are hiding in the corners of our gatherings or choosing not to come.  If this is you, you’re not alone. If you’re unsure who you can be real with, ask God to point you in the right direction.

Men don’t see each other in 3D.

     If you only see friends once a week for a Bible study, are you doing life together or checking boxes? Information alone doesn’t change our beliefs or lead to transformation. Biblical truth experienced through meaningful relationship is a recipe for life change.  Snake hunting in the Everglades. Eleven hours binge-watching HBO’s “Band of Brothers” in camouflage clothing. Monday night football. Coffee and acoustic music… Do something together with no obvious spiritual value. Having fun is a spiritual activity because it lowers the defenses we often put up in small group settings and allows people to see another side of us.  Far too often we paddle in shallow honesty while craving the deeper waters of transparency and vulnerability.

     Accountability is a popular term among Christian men. If we say it enough times each week we must be doing something right – right?  The danger is that we fall into the trap of attending a weekly men’s group and confessing the same thing without committing to whatever it takes to change. It’s not authentic because it lacks the courage to look at what’s driving our behavior…  Are you willing to let others ask you questions you don’t want to answer?  Are you willing to ask someone those questions?  You might have to put your superficial friendship on the line to reach for something better, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Men search in vain for the “right” small group.

     Men’s groups and events abound. We often look for the perfect group based on our stage in life and our first impressions of other people in the group. But this presents two problems. We won’t feel safe with people until we’ve been through something with them. And once the perfect group includes someone as imperfect as you, it’s days are numbered. Deeper friendships take more time than we’re used to giving anything these days. They also involve working through conflict, which we try to avoid at all costs.

Men have lost the art of living for others. 

     The paralytic in Mark 2 could never have had an audience with Jesus without his four friends tearing a hole in the roof and lowering him down.  They went the extra mile.  Do you ever feel paralyzed in your life as a Christian man?  Do you know others who fit that description?  What lengths will you go to for each other?  It might be taking calls in the middle of the night, or offering to have your friend live with you while they work through something. It might be something much simpler. What’s certain is that you’ll need to do more than “like” your friend’s Facebook posts, but so will they. This pursuit of deeper relationships is how you really want to live because it’s how you were designed to live.

Men cannot become their truest selves alone.

     Many of us have had mixed experiences with male role models growing up, but if we choose to avoid pursuing male friendships we stand no chance of healing old hurts. Those open wounds will wait patiently for the chance to hit you with a sucker punch.

     At one point in my early 20's a former girlfriend nicknamed me "Desperado" after the man spoken of in the song by that name. You know, the one "out mending fences for so long" who needed to "let somebody love [him]."  I assume it was because I wouldn't let anyone get too close to me.  Of course, the rugged, independent, individualist male image isn't as prevalent in society as it used to be (John Wayne and the Marlboro Man are known to very few today), but a degree of the image still lingers in the background of the male psyche to urge men to go it alone or think they really don't need deep male friendships.

     I was once one of those men. But I've gone through enough to realize it's not healthy, nor was it ever God's intended purpose that men isolate themselves and try to go it alone. In fact, that can be as bad as friendships with men who are bad influences. It can often get us into trouble and leave us with much pent-up stuff brewing inside.  Jesus established deep relationships with the inner three (Peter, James, and John) and very solid relationships with the other nine.  And though they had their moments of disagreement and relational friction, other than Judas they were there for each other and had each other's back. Even when Jesus sent the disciples out it was never alone -- but "two by two."  We would do well to heed His method and example!

In the Bonds of Christian Fellowship, Pastor Jeff 

Five Reasons Church Members Attend Church Less Frequently

Greetings All!

     This weeks "thought" has to do with a problem that is becoming increasingly worse and very alarming to those who love and cherish the Church of Jesus Christ, as well as it's God-given mission to the world.  It's the lack of commitment among believers to gather together for worship, sharing, instruction, encouragement, accountability and joint-effort in carrying out the commission Christ gave to His Body to bring the gospel to those across the street and across the sea.
     There is a very good reason the author of Hebrews 10:25 says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing..."  That is, let us not give up meeting together as the gathered church, or the congregation of the faithful, for worship and celebration.  (Yes, it was even a problem back then!)  And the reason he called them to gather was not a legalistic effort to gain more of God's favor by doing so, but because of what such gathering does for us, and the others in the body, in terms of our spiritual health and the strengthening of the Church.  In the immediate context verse 23 suggests it helps us, "hold unswervingly to the hope we profess."   Verse 24 suggests it's one of the ways we can, "spur one another on toward love and good deeds."   And the rest of verse 25 suggests that our gatherings do the opposite of what being absent does -- it enables us to, "encourage one another, and all the more as we see the Day approaching."

     My presence (and yours) on a Sunday morning, encourages others. It gives us an opportunity to carry out our God-ordained ministry of serving, encouraging, and bearing the burdens of others.  If I view my gathering with others as I should (as a time to minister encouragement to others through my words, heart-felt worship, prayers, listening ears, and actions) I have the blessed honor and privilege of being able to love others with brotherly affection, help to the struggling, listen to the lonely, assist the elderly, encourage the young, and share in people's growth as believers.  So let me share the whole verse:  "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, BUT LET US ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER, and all the more as we see the Day approaching."

     That leads us to today's entry from the blog of researcher, Thom S. Rainer, entitled, "Five Reasons Church Members Attend Church Less Frequently." (His small but very good book, "I Am A Church Member," only 77 pages long, is also a great read for further discussion on the reality and effects of this phenomena.)  Enjoy.

FIVE REASONS CHURCH MEMBERS ATTEND CHURCH LESS FREQUENTLY

     "About 20 years ago, a church member was considered "active" in the church if he or she attended three times a week. Today, a church member is considered active in the church if he or she attends three times a month. Something is wrong with this picture. For 2,000 years, the local church, as messy as it is, has been God’s place for believers to gather, worship, minister, and be accountable to one another.

     Yet every time I write something about church membership and attendance, I inevitably hear cries of “legalism” or “the church is not a building” or “the church is a messed up institution.”  But the local church -- the messy local church -- is what God has used as His primary instrument to make disciples. But commitment is waning among many church members.

Why?

     1.) We are minimizing the importance of the local church. When we do, we are less likely to attend. A few drops of rain may keep many folks from attending church, but it won’t stop them from sitting three hours in the downpour watching their favorite football team (and often pay a hefty price to do so).

     2.) We worship the idols of activities. Many members will replace a day in their church with a day at kid’s soccer or softball games or sleeping off the hangover of the previous day’s activities.

     3.) We take a lot of vacations from church. I am not anti-vacation. But 20 years or so ago, we would make certain we attended a church where we were taking a vacation. Today, many members take a vacation from church.

     4.) We do not have high expectations of our members. Any purposeful organization expects and gets much of it members, whether it’s a sports team or a civic organization. It is ironic that most churches do not come close to being a high expectation church.

     5.) We make infrequent attendees leaders in our churches. When we do, we are making a clear statement that even the leaders of the church do not have to be committed to the place they supposedly lead.

     I heard a leader of an organization tell the members he did not want them if they were not fully committed. They could not be AWOL if they wanted to be a part of the group. He expected full commitment [Sounds a bit like Jesus - Luke 14:25-33]. He is a high school football coach. And all the team members follow that high expectation of commitment. If we truly expect to make a difference in our communities, and our families, members of local churches need to have at least the same level of commitment as members of sports teams.  After all, the mission of each local church is far more important.  At least it should be..."

     One of my favorite hymns since becoming a believer is one written in 1800 by Timothy Dwight, "I Love Thy Kingdom, Lord."   You don't hear it much any more, and many would even struggle to sing it if they were required to be totally truthful and honest before doing so.  Yet, although the church is messy, and it's members are (as the Word assures us) sinners in the process of being sanctified, and thus there are and always will be problems (as in any human gathering of diverse souls), it is still the Bride Christ loves. The ones He chose to join to Himself in holy union. The objects of His sacrificial joy and affection, and His chosen means to continue carrying out His work on earth (feeble as we often are at that task).

     That's why this hymn resonates with me. Because when I am loving His church, I am loving those He loves, has redeemed, has laid down His life, and is preparing for an eternity in His presence (Eph. 5:25-27). See if you could sing these words:

"I Love Thy Kingdom, Lord. The House of Thine abode. 

The Church our blest Redeemer saved, with His own precious blood.

I love Thy Church, O God!  Her walls before Thee stand, 

Dear as the apple of Thine eye, and graven on Thy hand.

For her my tears shall fall; For her my prayers ascend; 

To her my cares and toils be giv'n, Till toils and cares shall end.

Beyond my highest joy, I prize her heav'nly ways, 

Her sweet communion, solemn vows, and hymns of love and praise."

     Oh for more members of the Bride who felt the same way about the Bride!  It would be "self-love" of the best kind!  Not because the Church is perfect (it never will be, at least in this age), but because in doing so we are loving those Christ chose as His Bride. We are doing as He commanded when He said to His disciples: "Love one another as I have love you."

Just more food for thought...

In His Service, Pastor Jeff 

Life Together - Christian community

Greetings to All,

My thought for this week comes mainly from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who was martyred by the Nazi's one month before the end of World War II.  Though his most famous book was "The Cost of Discipleship" (where he warned people against adopting the unbiblical substitute for real grace which he called "cheap grace") this thought comes from ideas expressed in his book, "Life Together."  If you have never read it, it is well worth your time (and the price of the book)!   It's all about what is necessary for true Christian community to take place.  Enjoy.

     "Acknowledgement of sin in the presence of another brother is a safeguard against self-deception.  It is a curious fact that many people find it easier to confess their sins privately to a holy and sinless God than to openly confess them to an unholy and sinful brother.  If this is so, it should give us reason to pause and ask ourselves if we are really confessing our sins to God.  We must ask ourselves whether we have not been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God -- whether we have not, rather, been confessing our sins to ourselves and also granting ourselves absolution.

     Is this not perhaps the reason for our countless relapses and the feebleness of our Christian obedience?  Is it not to be found precisely in the fact that we are living on self-forgiveness and not a real forgiveness? When sin has been brought into the light, and confessed it can be forgiven.  Its power can be broken.  It can no longer hold the believer in bondage or tear the fellowship apart.  The sinner can honestly be a sinner and still enjoy the grace of God and the love of the brethren.  This is the moment where fellowship in Christ becomes a profound reality (when sin is openly confessed -- even the worst of sins -- and the love of our brethren continues to be extended to us in spite of it).

     Open confession of sin to another so crucifies one's pride that rarely ever occurs unless a person earnestly yearns to be rid of his sin.  By openly confessing his sin he breaks the habit of secretly cherishing, nurturing, or refusing to let it go.  He becomes accountable.  He gains the support of his praying brothers in his fight to overcome its life-polluting influences.  In essence, he begins to live the life of discipleship."

     Bonhoeffer makes a good point.  Why is it that believers are so unwilling to confess their sins to a fellow believer or believers (as the Bible encourages)? (James 5:16).  Not secretly, from behind a curtain, so we can continue to remain anonymous in our sin, but eye to eye in the presence of another who knows us and can keep us accountable.

     It's a question each believer honestly needs to ask him or herself: Why do I hesitate to confess my sins to another when Scripture encourages it?  Although some might justifiably suggest lack of confidentiality (which is a very real problem), many (most I've spoken with) struggle with the inner sense of embarrassment, shame, or exposure that often accompanies it.  And surely, as Bonhoeffer points out, it may even be that confessing to a close friend means we may have a pair of eyes keeping us accountable that were not even looking our way before.  In any case, our hesitancy to "confess our sins to one another" calls forth an earnest examination as to why we don't, or won't.

     Maybe Bonhoeffer is right. Maybe it is that we've been confessing them to ourselves and granting ourselves absolution.  Maybe it's because we want forgiveness but don't really want to give up our sin. Maybe it's confession without true repentance. For as Luther once rightly pointed out: "The truest repentance is to do so no more." If we really want to be done with sin, and not just receive forgiveness for sins we aren't sure we fully intend to give up (or worse yet, have no intention of giving up), then being silent and simply confessing it to God is the best way to go.

Just some food for thought.

In the service of the Gospel, Pastor Jeff

Act Like Men -- 40 Days to Biblical Manhood

Greetings All!

Today's thought comes to you via James MacDonald, from his book, "Act Like Men -- 40 Days to Biblical Manhood."  A close friend who receives these "Thoughts for the Week" sent it to me thinking it would be helpful for others. After reading it I also thought it could be beneficial -- to both men and women -- though it seems to be directed exclusively toward men.
     I once spoke at a conference where a married man shared that his wife was jealous because he had a close "Jonathan/David" type friendship with another man in his church. (For those who may not know what that is, see I Samuel chapters 18-20).  She even asked him to end the relationship. Why? "Because although I've told her, she can't understand that men need deep friendships with other men."  Over the years I have come to see the truth of his statement.
     And I'm not talking of friendships that cause a man to ignore his wife and children, or skip out on his husbandly/fatherly obligations and responsibilities to them. That would be wrong.  No.  I'm speaking of the need for male to male friendships, and spiritual accountability, and camaraderie, and having each other's back, and encouraging each other to do the right and honorable thing.  The type of male to male relationships that would actually enhance the marriage and prevent the enormous amount to marital/family casualties we see happening all around us in our society today.

     One of the biggest problems today (for both men AND women) is a lack of time (or priority?) in establishing good, solid, healthy, godly, soul-nurturing, and life-sustaining friendships with those of the same gender.  As I have mentioned many times, the need for paid counselors would plummet (I'm convinced) if we just had good friends with whom we could transparently pour out the contents of our soul knowing they have our back and truly have our best interests in mind.

     But this is not about hearing from me!  Sorry!  I now defer to Mr. MacDonald who prefaces today's selection with these words: "Plain and simple, men need community with other men. Loving, you-before-me, dedicated relationship. If you have never had it, or don't really get it yet, or if you had that community and lost it, you know the cavity it leaves in your soul until you discover it again."   Enjoy.

Knock off the Lies

     "As I talk to men all around the world, I discover that they are not much different than we are (here in the States).  They need the same solutions, battle the same things, and believe the same lies. Earlier in this book we looked at the satanic strategy of using lies to disguise, divide, and destroy. Let's focus on that middle word of Satan's plan to defeat you. The word is "divide" and his strategy is to get a wedge between you and men who can support God's work in your life through loving mutual community.

     As always, he does this through lies. See if you recognize any of these common lies men believe that lead them to reject community and live in isolation [from each other]:
1. Nobody understand the struggles I am dealing with. 
2. I can't trust anyone. Total honesty will be used against me.
3. If someone tries to get close to me, they just want something. 
4. People like me, but they don't really know me. I can't risk total self-disclosure.
5. I've seen Christians kick a guy when he's down. No thanks.
6. Christian men are weak, crying and confessing. Oh please!
7. If I really face my secrets, the dam will burst and I will lose it.
8. What if I make myself known and the other guys don't reciprocate? 

     I hear these lies so frequently from the mouths of men that I know they are being implanted there by the "accuser of the brethren" (Rev. 12:9).  The way to defeat a lie of the enemy is: name the lie and insert the truth.  Jesus did this in Matthew 4 when Satan came to tempt Him after His forty-day fast in the wilderness. Satan urged Him to make stones into bread and Jesus said: "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God' (Matthew 4:4). This happened two more times, and each time Jesus defeated the lie of the enemy by quoting Scripture. Can we afford to do less?

      What do you believe about loving friendship with other men that keep your areas of defeat isolated and unchanged?  Take the first lie above: 'Nobody understands the struggles I am dealing with.'  That is clearly untrue because I Corinthians 10:13 says, 'No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond you ability, but with the temptation he will provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.' In every instance we need to name the lie and replace it in our thinking with the truth of God's Word. That's what it means to, 'resist the devil and he will flee from you' (James 4:7).

      For almost fifteen years I met with a group of men every Friday morning at 6:00 a.m.  Each man would report on what he had gleaned from God's Word personally that week and then we would pray for each other. We laughed, we instructed, we carried each other's burdens, and afterward we went out for breakfast. Looking back I regret ever breaking that pattern. I have found it here and there in other ways, but never as good as that until recently.

     The reason I withdrew from formal, regular, scheduled community was that I failed to experience the two things my doctoral thesis revealed men absolutely must experience to remain in community. First, men need confidentiality. They have to believe that what they disclose will never be shared with anyone -- not a spouse, not a cousin in a far country, no one.

     Second, men need to experience mutuality.  Men need to know that if they bring you in on whatever battles they have kept secret, you won't 'leave them hanging,' or pridefully conceal the truth about your own struggles. They need you to quickly match their personal disclosure.  'If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us' (I John 1:8)."

     I trust his words would prompt you, if you struggle alone and isolated (as a man) to get involved in a community of godly, transparent and trustworthy men where you can discover the blessed truth of what true Christian community is meant to be and facilitate.  If you are a woman, the same is true for you -- seek out the support of other godly women. And if you are a wife (or husband), it would be to your advantage (as well as that of your spouse) to encourage them to get involved with a group -- men with men, and women with women -- where they/you can apply the truth of God's Word to the soul in the context of confidentiality, transparency, accountability and a mutual commitment to grow into the fullness of maturity in Christ.

     And if you see that need, do not delay or put it off!   Rugged individualism and isolated independence are NOT what the Bible advocates. They are actually part of the problem.

With Prayers That You Will Determine to Make That Step, Pastor Jeff