Testimony of William Grimshaw

Greetings All!

     There comes a time in the life of every believer where they must wrestle with what they truly trust in; where their hope lies, and what the only true object of saving faith is. This week's "thought" is a true account of the one man's journey along that road -- a road that led from misplaced faith and depression, to true faith and joy!
     It is not unusual (at least at the beginning of our life of faith) to have a faith that when tested is found lacking or misplaced. Hopefully this testimony about William Grimshaw's journey from trusting in the wrong thing, to being led by a miraculous event to trust in the only true saving object of faith will be of help to all -- either as a guide that takes you to where you need to be, or a reminder not to stray from there. It comes from "The One Year Book of Christian History" by Michael and Sharon Rusten.  Enjoy.

     "William Grimshaw was born in Lancashire, England, in 1708. He went to Christ's College, Cambridge, intending to enter the ministry. During his third year he fell in with the wrong crowd, becoming, in his own words, "as vile as the worst."  Still, he chose to enter the ministry, finding no incongruity between his sinful lifestyle and his chosen profession.  Ordained in the Church of England in 1732, Grimshaw was assigned a church in West Yorkshire. He married a young widow, but within four years she tragically died, leaving him with two small children.

     Already a troubled soul, Grimshaw was plunged into a deep depression. He sent his children away to be raised by relatives. All he could think about was his own mortality and the necessity of making arrangements for his own funeral... In his written instructions for his funeral he specified: "To attend my funeral I desire that 20 persons be invited (of my next relations and intimatest acquaintances) and be entertained in the following manner: Let 5 quarts of claret (a red wine from Bordeaux) ... be put in a punch bowl and be drunk in wine glasses until it is all gone."

     At this time an itinerant preacher began rebuking Grimshaw for his legalistic view of salvation [a view whereby he encouraged people to trust in their own efforts, works, or aspects of their own performance for their acceptance with God]. He said to Grimshaw, "You are no believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. You are building on the sand."   Grimshaw tried to avoid the man, but the words "you are building on sand" kept haunting him.  In 1741, while visiting a friend, Grimshaw saw a book on the table and picked it up.  As he opened it, and discovered it was by John Owen, a Puritan theologian, a flash of heat flushed his face. Puzzled, he looked at the fireplace, wondering if the fire had caused his sudden flush of heat.  Opening the book again, he read the title: "The Doctrine of Justification by Faith."  Suddenly a second flash of heat swept over him. Astonished that it happened again, Grimshaw took it as a divine imperative that he was to read the book.

     Taking the book back home, Grimshaw noted in the preface that Owen had written the book for people suffering from the same anguish and distress of soul he was experiencing.  The book confronted the reader with the question of whether he would 'trust in his own personal inherent righteousness (his own efforts and religious or moral performances) or, in full renunciation of it, take to himself the grace of God and the righteousness of Christ alone.' To Grimshaw the choice was clear.  As he would later confide to a friend,  "I was wiling to renounce myself, every degree of fancied merit and ability, and to embrace CHRIST ONLY for my all in all.  O what light and comfort did I now enjoy in my own soul, and what a taste of the pardoning love of God!"

     His ministry immediately changed, and he found peace and joy in his heart as well as his soul. He fell in love with a local girl, married her, and brought his children back home...  He applied for a new parish and moved his family to nearby Haworth, where he ministered powerfully and effectively until his death in 1763 at the age of 55. Under his spiritual leadership the little-known village of Yorkshire became one of the leading centers of the Christian faith in all of England. His funeral was quite different from the one he had planned years before. Vast crowds of loving parishioners followed his coffin to its final resting place. The pastor who spoke summarized the faith of Grimshaw by saying, "Upon Christ's atoning blood and justifying righteousness alone, did EVERY HOPE of his soul's acceptance with God depend" 

     Upon what does your hope rest?  What is the object of your faith? What does your hope or trust for pardon and salvation rest upon?  Is it your efforts at trying to be a "good" person?  Is it a list of accomplishments or a resume of cataloged good works?  Is it a mix of faith in Jesus plus your attempts to be righteous? Here it helps to remember that when it comes to saving faith, Jesus plus anything nullifies Jesus. If you are trusting in anything of your own, you are trusting in you, and thus not fully (or for that matter, not at all) in Jesus.  The Gospel's message is clear: We are saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.  Add anything into the mix and you disbelieve the Gospel, negate Jesus, will struggle incessantly with emotional highs and lows, find the need to pretend, have a fear of being open, honest and transparent about your sins, wrestle with a sense of of frustration with God and self, fall into occasional depressions, and a lack of assurance of God's forgiveness and complete acceptance.

     Only when one's hope for acceptance with God is in CHRIST ONLY -- only when both eyes are glued on Jesus, instead of one on Jesus and the other on the sin-stained performances of the self -- are they liberated from all those afflicting things to experience peace, joy and release from the weight of burdens too heavy to carry.  John Owen was right in asking: "will you trust in your own personal inherent righteousness [which is always stained by sin and thus unrighteous or unacceptable righteousness], or in full renunciation of it, take to yourself the grace of God and righteousness of CHRIST ALONE."

     Blessed is the person who stops hoping and trusting in their own efforts, and looks instead to Christ alone for their pardon and acceptance with God.  As one who fell into this Grimshaw's mistake, I can tell you from personal experience what a blessed liberation comes as we get our eyes off us, and simply, "fix our eyes (of faith) on Jesus..." (Heb. 12:2).  And please notice it says "eyes" -- that is, both of them!  Not one eye of faith fixed on what you do, and the other one looking to what Jesus did, but BOTH OF THEM fixed on Jesus. For He is the only true object of saving faith, and faith in HIM ALONE is the only means of salvation or remedy for the countless malady's of the soul.

Living in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff

The Comforter

Greetings All!

This week's "thought" comes from someone we haven't heard from for quite a while - Charles H. Spurgeon.  He has been dubbed the "Prince of Preachers" and is considered by many to be the most gifted preacher ever.  This excerpt comes from a message he preached on October 6, 1872 entitled "The Comforter."   Spurgeon began his preaching career in 1850 at the age of 15. By the time he was 19 he had accepted a call to pastor one of the biggest Baptist churches in London.  Within a short time they had to build an addition onto the church to increase the seating capacity from 1200 to 5000 seats to accommodate the weekly crowds. He was an extraordinarily gifted man.
     To those who wrongly believe that Christianity was universally popular back in the mid-to-late-800's in England, this somewhat auto-biographical account should clear up that misunderstanding.  I've been reading this sermon in my devotional time and found it both interesting and true; that's why I wanted to pass it along to you.  Enjoy.

The Comforter

     “In the 15th chapter of John’s Gospel we find the Savior describing His saints in the world as hated and persecuted for His sake, and He bids them expect this. But He consoles them in verses 26-27: “When the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth which proceeds from the Father, He shall testify of Me. And you also shall bear witness, because you have been with Me from the beginning.”

     Now verses 18-27 mean just this—while Jesus Christ was here on earth, if anyone had anything to say against Him or His disciples, the Master came forward to the front, and He soon baffled His foes so that they confessed, “Never has anyone spoken like this man” (John 7:46). At this present time our Master and head is gone from us, so how are we to answer the attacks of the world?  The answer is we have another Counselor who comes to speak for us, and if we had but confidence in Him, beloved, He would have spoken for us much more loudly than He has sometimes done!

     Whenever we learn to leave the business in His hands, He will do two things for us:  FIRST - He will speak for us Himself, and SECOND - He will enable us also to bear witness.  At this present time many questions of doctrine are brought up for discussion, many objections to the truth of God are blocked, and there are many who would lay the axe at the very root of Christianity and cut it down as a rotten tree!  What is our answer?  I will tell you: Nearly all the books that have been written to answer modern philosophies are a waste of time and a waste of paper.  The only way in which the church can hold her own, and answer her detractors is by real power from God!

     Has she done anything for the world?

     Can she produce results?

     By her fruits shall she be proved to be a tree of life to the nations!

     Now the Spirit of God, if we would but trust Him, and give up all this idolatry of human learning, cleverness, genius, eloquence, rhetoric, and I know not what beside, would soon answer our adversaries!  He would silence some of them by converting them as He answered Saul of Tarsus by turning him from a persecutor to an apostle. He would silence others by confounding them and making them see their own children and relations brought to know the truth of God! If there is not a miraculous spiritual power in the Church of God at this day, she is an impostor!  At this moment the only vindication of our existence is the presence and work of the Holy Spirit among us.  Is He still working and witnessing for Christ? I fear He is not in some churches.

     Here in our fellowship we behold Him. Look at His workings in this place.  Nearly 20 years ago [back in August of 1854] our ministry began in this city under much opposition and hostile criticism. The preacher [that is, Spurgeon himself] being condemned on all hands as vulgar, unlearned, and, in fact, a “nine days’ wonder”!  Jesus Christ was preached by us in simpler language than men had been accustomed to hear, and every one of our sermons was full of the old-fashioned gospel. Many other pulpits were intellectual, but we held to the pure Scriptures.  Rhetorical essays were the wares retailed by most of the preachers, but we gave the people the gospel.  We brought out before the world the old Reformers’ doctrines, Calvinistic truth, Augustinian teaching, and Pauline dogma! We were not ashamed to be the, “Echo of a long-dead evangelism,” as some wiseacre called us.

     We preached Christ and Him crucified, and by the space of these 20 years have we ever lacked a congregation? When has not this vast hall been thronged? Have we ever lacked conversions? Has a Sunday passed over us without them? Has not the history of this church, from its littleness in Park Street until now, been a march of triumph with the hearts and souls of men being the spoils of the war and the flag under which we have marched been Christ crucified?

     And it is so everywhere! Only let men come back to the gospel and preach it ardently, not with pretty words and the artificiality of polished speech, but as a burning heart compels them, and as the Spirit of God teaches them to speak it.  Then will great signs and wonders be seen!  We must have signs following—else we cannot answer the world!  Let them sneer; let them rave; let them curse; let them lie—God will answer them!  It is ours in the power of the Spirit of God to keep on preaching Christ and glorifying the Savior.  Just as Jesus always met the adversary in a moment, and the disciples had no need of any other defender, so we have another Helper, who in answer to prayer will vindicate His own cause, and gloriously avenge His own elect.”

     In a world of competing ideas and religious views, something must set Christianity apart from all the rest. Something more than "mere morality" as C. S. Lewis called it.  Something more than mere religious gatherings.  Something that shows our faith to be different from all the rest.  And that "something" (as Spurgeon points out) must be the power of God!  People must be able to see and sense the evidences of God's presence and the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit among His people if we are to truly testify to the reality of Jesus and His gospel (I Cor. 14:24-25 / II Cor. 10:3-5).

     Be it the miracle of an extraordinary and other-worldly love; the miracle of someone turned to repentance and faith; the miracle of a healing or a prophetic word that hits home as if it were tailor made; or the miracle of a regenerate heart -- the greatest miracle of all -- the power of God must be seen if people's objections are to be stifled!  "The only way in which the church can hold her own, and answer her detractors is by real power from God!...  If there is not a miraculous spiritual power in the Church of God at this day, she is an impostor!  At this moment the only vindication of our existence is the presence and work of the Holy Spirit among us...  Only let men come back to the gospel and preach it ardently, not with pretty words and the artificiality of polished speech, but as a burning heart compels them, and as the Spirit of God teaches them to speak it. Then will great signs and wonders be seen!  We must have signs following—else we cannot answer the world!"

     To use the words of Isaiah in his deep yearning for a visible and incontestable manifestation of God's power: "Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you!" (Is. 64:1-2) That's what we need more than anything else -- a fresh outpouring of the Spirit of God in incontestable and saving power!  Not manufactured miracles, but God-given miracles.  Not the stuff of mere human emotion, but the supernatural intervention of a sovereign God.  And it must stem from earnest prayer and the gospel ardently preached, as Spurgeon says, from a burning heart that's moved and compelled by the Holy Spirit.  Our prayer, Like Isaiah's, must be, "Come down Lord!"

     With Prayer for the Renewing of Christ's Church on Earth, Pastor Jeff

Addiction and Grace

Greetings All!

Sitting in my office, my eyes scanned the book shelves and fell upon one particular book: "Addiction and Grace" by Gerald G. May, M.D.  It's an intriguing title, because those two words describe the universal struggle and only remedy for humanity.  Don't let the length deter you!  Some spiritual journeys can't be condensed to a paragraph or two!   It's a worthwhile read for anyone, but especially for those trying to help and love people trapped by addictions -- which as he points out, includes all of us to varying degrees.  The "Introduction" is from years of study, experience and reflection.  It is followed by his own "Personal Testimony."  I found what he says very helpful.  Enjoy.

Introduction:
     "After many years of listening to the yearnings of people's hearts, I am convinced that all human beings have an inborn desire for God. Whether we are consciously religious or not, this desire is our deepest longing and our most precious treasure. It gives us meaning. Some of us have repressed this desire, burying it beneath so many other interests that we are completely unaware of it.  Or we may experience it in different ways -- as a longing for wholeness, completion, or fulfillment. Regardless of how we describe it, it is a hunger to love, to be loved, and to move closer to the Source of love...  Modern theology describes this desire as God-given. In an outpouring of love, God creates us and plants the seeds of this desire within us. Then, throughout our lives, God nourishes this desire...

     But something gets in the way...  We become addicted to other things....  A self-defeating force that abuses our freedom makes us do things we really do not want to do (Romans 7:15)... Moreover, our addictions are our own worst enemies. They enslave us with chains that are of our own making and yet paradoxically, are virtually beyond our control.  Addiction attaches to desire and enslaves the energy of desire to certain specific behaviors, things or people. These objects of attachment then become preoccupations and obsessions They come to rule our lives. The word "attachment"... comes from the old French "atache" meaning, "nailed to."  Attachment "nails" our desires to specific objects or things -- alcohol, narcotics, ideas, work, relationships, power, fantasies, money, moods, and an endless variety of other things...  Addiction makes idolaters of all of us, because it forces us to worship objects of attachment, thereby preventing us from truly loving God and one another... It is the absolute enemy of human freedom and the antipathy of love.  Yet, in still another paradox, our addictions can lead us to a deep appreciation of grace. They can bring us to our knees....

Personal Testimony:

     It was in working with some of the most tragically addicted people -- those enslaved to narcotics and alcohol -- that I began wondering about addiction and grace. It was there also that I began to recognize my own addictedness. Most importantly, it was in the course of that work that I reclaimed my own spiritual hunger, a desire for God, and for love that many years had tried to repress.

     As nearly as I can recall, the repression of my spiritual desire began shortly after my father died. I was nine at the time.  Prior to that, I had had a comfortable relationship with God. As with all children, the earliest years of my life were "simply religious." In the innocent wonder and awe of early childhood awareness, everything just is "spiritual."  My religious education had given me a name for God, but I hardly needed it. I prayed easily; God was a friend.  In a reaction typical for a nine year old, I expected God to somehow keep me in touch with my father after his death. I prayed for this, but of course it did not happen. As a result, something hurt and angry in me, something deeper than my consciousness, chose to dispense with God. I would take care of myself. I would go it alone. My wanting -- my love -- had caused me to be hurt, and something in me decided not to want so much. I repressed my longing. Just as my father faded from my awareness, so did God, and so did my desire for God.

     During college, I fell in love with literature and philosophy. In retrospect, I think this was my desire for God resurfacing again as a search for beauty and truth. I even tried to go to church on occasion, but I wasn't consciously looking for God. By then I was searching for something that I could use to develop a sense of mastery over my life, something that would help me go it alone. In medical school and psychiatric training, I tried to make a god out of science. Science seemed learn-able, master-able, and controllable.  Throughout, I resisted prayer and rebelled at religiosity in others. Such things seemed immature; they were signs of weakness. I wanted to be autonomous, although I wasn't completely sure what that word meant. 

     I was in the Air Force during the Vietnam War.  Much in the Vietnam experience I had to repress. But much of it I could not repress. In a way, the tragedy of Vietnam woke me up a little.  Afterward, I took a position as director of a community drug abuse clinic.  With all the energy that might be expected of a young doctor, I applied my best psychiatric methods to the treatment of addictions. None of them worked. I was able to help people with their emotional and social problems, but but they remained addicted to chemicals. Since so much of my desire for meaning and wholeness had become attached to professional success, and I was not being successful, I started to become depressed. A colleague called it, "a normal professional depression."  He went on to say, "All decent psychiatrists experience such depressions when they can't cure the people they treat.  If you didn't feel depressed, it would mean you didn't care enough."  It was some consolation. But not much.

     Then one day in the middle of this depression I was casually introduced to a faith healer at a conference in a nearby town.  I did not believe in faith healers, but as we shook hands she paused, holding my hand, and told me she thought I was meant to be a healer too, but, "I wouldn't take my dog to you, because you think you are the one that has to do the healing."  These are not words one might expect to be helpful for a depressed person.  But they struck me deep and well.  In my search for self-determination, I had also been trying to command the very process of healing. It was obvious that some change in attitude was called for. I still wasn't certain, however, what form that change should take.

     At about that same time, I embarked on a little informal research. I identified a few people who seemed to have overcome serious addictions to alcohol and drugs , and I asked them what had helped them turn their lives around so dramatically. All of them described some sort of spiritual experience. They kindly acknowledged their appreciation for the professional help they had received, but they also made it clear that this help had not been the source of their healing.  What had healed them was something spiritual. They didn't all use religious terms, but there was no doubt in my mind that what they spoke of was spiritual.

     Something about what they said reminded me of home. It had something to do with turning to God.  As a result I relaxed a little. I honestly considered there might be some power greater than myself involved in healing, and that I might be better off cooperating with that power instead of trying to usurp it.  I also set about trying to understand more of what constituted "spiritual experience" and why it had been so helpful to these addicted people... I described these spiritual experiences to some clergy friends. Most of them didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. The least helpful friends tried to give me Freudian explanations.  "Why, it's simply a narcissistic regression of the ego to a state of infantile dissociation in order to avoid reality issues that have stimulated unacceptable libidinous impulses."  They said such things as if I should have known them already. But the problem was I did know them already, and knowing them didn't help... 

     I studied Eastern religions, psychic phenomena, psychedelic drugs, biofeedback, all the great stew of psychological pop and pap that was percolating across the nation at the time. I read Alan Watts and Baba Ram Dass. I mediated every day. From a comfortable distance I watched the charismatic renewal in Christian churches, and from an equal distance, I sensed something powerful I couldn't understand in Alcoholics Anonymous. One evening about six months after my quest began, I was diligently practicing a form of Yoga meditation that encouraged the free coming and going of all thoughts. It is a method that might be described as the opposite of repression. In the freedom I gave to my mind, one of the thoughts that came was prayer. It was, in the beginning, the prayer of a nine year old, embarrassingly immature. "Dear Jesus, help me." I would have stifled it immediately had   it not been dutifully allowing all my thoughts to come and go. It was a sad and painful thing just to let that prayer happen, but it did. 

     As months and years passed, the prayer grew, and with it, my awareness of my desire for God.  I realized my exploration was less a professional research project and more a personal spiritual journey. I was not in control of my life. I needed as much of God's grace as any of my patients did.  With that growing realization, my spiritual desire seemed to pick up where it had left off some 20 years earlier.  Now it was out in the light again, and I gradually became able to reclaim it as my true hearts desire and the most precious thing in my life." 

     When I read testimonies, I seek to compare my own journey to the paths others followed.  There were places where my path crisscrossed that of Gerald May.  That may be true for others who were children of the 60's, 70's and early 80's.  The tendency to look to other "saviors" before we return to the One who truly is, is not uncommon.  How right he is when he says, "Addiction attaches to desire and enslaves the energy of desire to certain specific behaviors, things, or people. These objects of attachment then become preoccupations and obsessions. They come to rule our lives."   And once they do, only God's all powerful and relentless grace can liberate us from those addictions and restore us to sanity and the freedom to follow Him. To root out those idols which are, "the absolute enemy of human freedom and the antipathy of love."      

Living in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff

Does This Truth Paralyze or Energize?

Greetings All,

     This past week I received a book in the mail that was printed in 1918 -- just a month and a week past being exactly one hundred years ago!  The book contains the addresses presented by various people at the Philadelphia Prophetic Conference in May of 1918.  As a lover of history I had to read through it to see if what was said then was relevant to today.  Much of it was, of course, since it centers around the Bible. Yet because it took place the year WWI ended, eleven years before the stock market crash of 1929 and the Great Depression, and about 20 years before the outbreak of WWII, some of the applications of the Bible were obviously dated.

     I particularly enjoyed the presentation of one Pastor Herbert Mackenzie, a former missionary to Africa who "retired" to take a church pastorate in Cleveland, Ohio.  This message, entitled, "Does This Truth Paralyze or Energize?"  focuses on Matthew 24:14, "This Gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world, as a testimony to all nations, and then the end shall come," and the command in II Timothy 4:1 to, "preach the word in season and out" in view of Christ's appearing and His kingdom.  I hope you might find encouragement through it as well. Enjoy. 

     "Jesus has said unto us, 'Go ye therefore into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature.'  In light of this war, we all recognize our duty as citizens to to do our best for our country, and for the world in a crisis as grave as the one which we are now passing through. We also recognize we have a Leader (Jesus Christ) who is leading us on in a spiritual conflict; that we have a commission which must be obeyed and completed in order that He may come again and receive us unto Himself.

     Doctrine always decides duty.  It does matter what a man believes...  Doctrine is the plan of teaching that precedes the plan of duty... The doctrine is intended to be the inspiration that gives us the impulse and impetus to obey all the commands of our Lord... A man asked me not so long ago what was the greatest thing he could do for God.  I said, 'The greatest thing that you can do for Him is to do what He is doing.'  That is what God wants for you and me to do.  To long for that for which Christ is longing. And Christ is longing to see a completed body; a body that must be drawn out from all the people of the earth.  Those who know the Lord's purpose do not need to be given any personal appeals. I have never asked any individual for a dollar for missions in 20 years. Men whose hearts are touched by the promise of the Lord's return need only to be informed of the need and are satisfied to give their best to the Lord, for they live in the light of the gleams of the coming glory...

     The Word of God instructs us concerning the plan of God for our service. Somebody has said that Judaism and heathen religions have respect for boundaries and are content to leave everyone else alone. But the man who knows the plan of God is not willing to leave anyone alone.  It does not matter how near or far away the man may be who needs the Gospel. I have come to the conclusion (by examining my own heart) that we can never be like Christ until we love the world.  Christ loved the world, and no man can begin to be like Him until in some measure he too can say, 'I love the world'... 

     In the first chapter of Acts Jesus says to His disciples, "But you shall receive power after the Holy Ghost is come upon you, and you shall be witnesses to me in Jerusalem and Judea and Samaria and to the uttermost parts of the earth."  And those disciples knew what he meant by 'witnesses.'  For that word witness (marturos) means 'martyr-testifiers.'  Those men knew when He uttered that word that this testimony which they were called to give, this witness which was to be their work, was to be of more value to them than their own lives. There are boys, perhaps your boys, your brother, your friend, who will lay down their life, or are willing to lay down their life, for their country in this war. Yet there is something wrong with you, and with me, if our lives are worth more in our sight than the witness for Christ which He has left to our trust... 

     Years ago (in the early 1890's) I was traveling through Central Sudan.  I found that from the west coast clear up to Lake Chad about 40 tribes were waiting for the Gospel.  Only one tribe of the 40 had the complete record of the Scriptures.  Forty tribes in ignorance (of the Word), in idolatry, in superstition, steeped in paganism -- with a thousand Moslem teachers and traders sent out to convert them from paganism to Mohammedanism. All that in comparison to one Christian missionary sent out by the entire church of God.  I walked 17 miles a day for 7 days without finding a trace of any person who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Scores of villages waiting, waiting, WAITING -- while you and I are enjoying the fullness of His blessing, sitting at His feet and looking into His blessed face.  My time (because of my age) has gone. I want, however, to say this. Somebody has spoken here about rewards. Somebody has said in this conference something about taking a crown and laying it at His feet. I know of no other way of securing a crown to lay at His feet than by gaining it in the work of soul winning; of making known to the world the glories of His cross. 

     There was a moment in the life of the Lord Jesus when He stood before that earthly judge, took the curse from beneath our feet, and permitted His enemies to take those thorns and entwine them into a crown and place it on His brow. He loved us enough to take earth's curse from beneath our feet and to lift it to His blessed brow.  Oh, what a delight that some day we may be able to take the crown which He has placed upon our heads and consider that the highest that He can give to us for our service, is only worthy to be placed at the feet of Him whose shoe latchet John tells us we are unworthy to loosen."

     Sudan is still a place which needs to be reached with the Gospel, as are many other places in Africa, the Middle East, and Asia -- not to mention (due to the changes in the spiritual climate since this book was published in 1918) the former strongholds of the Christian faith -- Britain, Continental Europe, Canada and the U.S.   What he pointed out then is still true today -- "there is something wrong with you, and with me, if our lives are worth more in our sight than the witness for Christ which He has left to our trust..."   If we would be willing to die in the service of our country, but not in the service of our Lord, something is terribly wrong deep in the recesses of our soul.

     The truth of Matthew 24:14 still stands before us: "This Gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world, as a testimony to all nations, and then the end shall come."  Will the hope of seeing His appearing, and His kingdom, motivate you to do all you can to join with Him in doing what He is doing? Will it move you to share the Gospel and carry out the task laid upon the whole church -- the task of taking the Gospel to the world we are called to love as Jesus loves it?

Living in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff

Jesus

Greetings All!

     These past few weeks I was reading (and re-reading) testimonies written by people who are joining the church where I pastor.  I always find such personal accounts of God's work in people's lives to be fascinating and encouraging. Simply tracing the threads of God's providential and redemptive work in the lives of others encourages me in my own life!  In fact, they made me decide I would send out something different today -- my own testimony which I condensed into the form of a short poem and read at my ordination service in 1987.  And please keep in mind I do not claim any gifting as a poet, it was simply a shorter way of sharing what would have been much longer if I shared it in a different format.

     You will quickly discern I grew up in a rural place (actually, next to my grandfather's farm and sizable expanses of open land).  And although I do use metaphors in the poem, I want you to know the references to the dream of a cross "on a distant hill" and an encounter with an "angel" actually happened. 

     










     I have always loved Francis Thompson's extraordinary poem about God's pursuit of him, called, "The Hound of Heaven" (in my opinion, a must read).  In so many ways his experience mimicked my own as I hit my teens and early 20's: God's abundant kindnesses were excused away by my sin-hardened heart.  God's repeated mercies were met by my firmly entrenched resistance.  And God's unrelenting pursuit of me was countered by me running in the opposite direction.  Until one day, that is, when -- tired and burdened by the guilt of all my sin -- His grace conquered my resistance, and the sweet persistence of His loving overtures led to the divine conquest of my soul.  You also may have seen (or do see) that same process taking place in your own soul, hopefully with the same eventuality of conquest and surrender finishing off the story.  The following stanzas take you from my first memories of childhood to the time I entered the pastorate 31 years ago.  The poem is simply entitled, "Jesus."

JESUS

You sought me when my days were young; 

Your love reached out through everyone.

Such gifts you gave, so rare and sweet; 

Ten thousand clues laid at my feet,

Yet still our paths did never meet.

You called to me from peaceful woods, 

From morning dews which glistening stood;

In fields where flow'rs Your radiance shown, 

And wildlife's whispers in clear tones, 

Called out to make your glory known.

You called to me so many ways - 

In dreams at night of ancient days, 

Where on a distant hill there stood,

A silhouetted cross of wood.

And in the hush mine eyes did see, 

A figure hanging there... for me

I ran not knowing what to do, 

But still your angels did pursue.

I shunned your love, I knew Your creed - 

It was for sinners You did bleed!

My plans were set, I had no need,

My eyes were set on lust and greed.

I turned my back on all You'd shown, 

Excused away the love I'd known.

To me You'd been so kind and real, 

But yet my heart refused to yield.

So many kindnesses You'd shown, 

And yet my heart had turned to stone.

I sought life's thrills to fill the void, 

There was no pleasure not employed.  

For self I lived and breathed and slept, 

Until in broken shame I wept, 

To see the vigil You had kept.

"Such love," I said, "it cannot be,

That condescends to one like me!

If anything I'd earned Your rage;

Eternal wrath the sinner's wage."

But You in loving mercy shown,

With greater love than ere' I'd known.

You touched and turned me Lord to You,

With love unfathomable but true.

You caused my hardened heart to see, 

No greater joy could ere' there be,

Than loving You who first loved me.

Living in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff 

Serving Productive Time

Greetings Friends!

     Today I picked up a book someone who was involved in prison ministry had given me.  It's filled with stories, testimonies, and lessons learned and shared by inmates. Some are profoundly uplifting and others a bit  sad -- like the story of one man who killed his father, and has chosen not seek forgiveness for doing so, and even cling to the heavy burden of guilt as a "self-imposed penance" and personal attempt to "ensure that the seriousness of this act is never lessened."   I pray his heart may eventually change, though as a pastor I know that emotional self-punishment is not an uncommon response when someone has done something they deeply regret. Yet, it's a sad choice in light of all that Jesus came and did for us.

     The selection I've chosen to include, however, is more uplifting.  It comes from an inmate named Ken Fox and is titled, "Little Did I Know."  This story (like the other) are both found in a book entitled, "Serving Productive Time," by Tom and Laura Lagana.  Enjoy.

Little Did I Know.

     "For no apparent reason I hated people.  I used to be the most angry, bitter and judgmental person on the planet. I even mistreated the few people who still loved me despite my atrocious behavior, including the woman who I now realize is a gift from God. She has to be an angel. How else could she have loved me and stood by me through fifteen years of this stuff?

     About two and a half years ago I transferred to a facility nearly four hours away from home. Being cut off from friends and family not only fueled my anger, it also gave me a reason to distrust the supposedly merciful and loving God my fiancee loved so dearly. Once I arrived at the new prison I lashed out at this wonderful woman: "What do you think of your God now? I bellowed.  A cheap shot I know, but I didn't care.

     Not long after that I received a letter from my cousin. I hadn't heard from her in five years. It was at her request, and the encouragement of my fiancee, that I looked into a program named "Keryx" (The name of a ministry taken from the Greek word meaning "Herald.")  I asked two Christian guys in my housing unit if they knew anything about the program. They were happy to talk with me and without my knowledge approached the chaplain about getting me into the upcoming Keryx weekend.

     Still carrying a large chip on my shoulder and anger in my heart, I reluctantly agreed to attend. But not before delivering a firm warning. My fists waving in the air, I shrieked, "If anyone tries to hug me, I swear I'll swing first and ask questions later!"  I convinced myself the weekend would have no effect on me, and for the first day I did manage to keep my distance. I was certain that I'd won and that God had nothing to offer me and I aimed to prove it.  But on the third day something happened. All the walls I'd built up around myself -- my false securities and all that I'd come to count on to keep myself safe and distant -- began to collapse.

     Earlier that day one of the volunteers told me that the Holy Spirit had something in store for me.  I smiled and shrugged it off for as long as I could. After that, we were asked to close our eyes and bow our heads. I complied and waited for further instructions. Then, as I sat there, the room suddenly filled with unfamiliar voices. Songs of praise ushered in an overwhelming presence of God. My heart began to swell with emotion. I'd never felt such intense love. 

     At that moment the destructive and negative feelings that I'd built up inside poured forth in non-stop tears. I had no control over my thoughts, my feelings, or my body. The Holy Spirit had arrived, and without a doubt, He had kicked my butt!  For the remainder of the weekend I didn't allow anyone to pass without giving them a hug! My heart of stone had crumbled. My walls had tumbled down. The light of the Lord illuminated my heart where darkness once ruled. Yes, God came for me that day, and since getting a hold of me, He refuses to let go.

     I still have my rough days. The trials and temptations are still there, but the love of God sees me through and I know brighter days are ahead. Now, to answer the question I asked my fiancee two and a half years ago, "What do I think of her God now?" I think OUR God is an awesome God, and I thank Him for saving a wretch like me."

     I picked this story because I saw many similarities between his life story and my own.  The keeping people at a distance. The anger and hardness. And the crumbling that occurred with regard to all those things when the presence of the Holy Spirit started moving upon me and ultimately conquered my heart.

     Ken Fox says that God, "kicked my butt."  I've always told people (I prefer wrestling terms) "He pinned me to the mat and made me cry uncle."   Because fight as we may (and we often fight hard) -- if God has determined to have us as His own, He will have us. And He will conquer us with a love so overwhelmingly powerful and pleasant that we no longer desire to resist it.  I pray the other man mentioned above will one day come to experience that same love and be freed from his own "self-imposed penance" to experience the joy of the Lord, and the peace that passes all understanding.

Living (now) in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff