Sexual Temptation

Greetings All!

     I will get right to our topic for today: SEX.  Today's post is about sexual temptation.  That usually gets the attention of most since it's a struggle we've all faced, or do face, being people God created with sexual desires (unless we were "born eunuchs," as Jesus put it in Matthew 19:12, or born without a desire/ability for sexual fulfillment).
This post is lengthy, but worth reading if you are a Christian who cares about the things God cares about, and desires to gain victory in this area.  It is one of the best pieces of advice I've read on the issue, and comes to you from Jay Kesler. It is found in his book, "Being Holy, Being Human."   Jay (presently 83 years old, but written when he was much younger) was a former pastor in Illinois and Indiana, a former president of Youth for Christ, and formerly president of Taylor University.  His book is honest, practical, and helpful - a must read for the serious Christian or pastor.  It deals with Transparency, Expectations, Identity, Doubt, Money, the Pressure to perform, and other topics as well. With that said, he speaks here of just one on those many issues affecting holiness. Enjoy.

     “We all struggle in this area [of sexual temptation], and some have fallen,” says Kesler in a book written primarily to pastors.  “It's a serious problem, one of the most serious we face in the tension between being holy and being human.... Given the usual process by which sexual sin comes about, it naturally follows that the most important part of resisting sexual temptation is to maintain a good marriage relationship… I know that with all the demands we face, including obligations to our children, finding the time to maintain this kind of relationship with a spouse isn't easy — but there's simply no more important human relationship in the world for us to maintain. It's worth the effort and time and money it takes...

     Another big help to me in actually avoiding lust has been what I call contextualization. I pastored a church for fifteen years, and after about the twelfth year it dawned on me one day that I'd never had a sexual thought about any woman in the church. That amazed me, frankly, because I'm a sexual being like anyone else. I have sexual thoughts. I notice when I see a beautiful woman on the street; I didn't go blind when I became a Christian. In fact, earlier in my Christian life, when my buddies and I talked honestly, we all admitted that maintaining sexual purity was one of the major struggles of the younger man. Why hadn't I had sexual thoughts about women in the church? As I thought about it, I finally realized it was because I saw each of them in context. I knew all the people there so well that I knew everyone's husband, wife, son, and daughter, and many of the parents and grandparents, too. No one could be an object of lust to me without my being reminded of that person's other relationships. I knew that everyone there was a dear person to other people I knew and cared for. This included the women, and I couldn't look at them apart from their contexts of family and friends.  The only way you can prey on people and turn them into some kind of objects, especially for lust, is to mentally get them out of context. Conversely, if you think of them in context, you're not nearly so tempted to lust.

     Thus, I find it a good practice in ministry to continually think of people in context. For example, suppose I'm driving down the street and see some beautiful teenager who's dressed in an attention-getting way. My automatic response now is to contextualize her, to say to myself, “Hey, she's about the age of my daughter. I wonder who her parents are and how she gets along with them?” And suddenly the sexual part of it disappears. The girl hasn't changed, but my perception has. Instead of being an object of sexual thoughts, she's become someone's daughter, someone's little girl.  The same thing is true now that I find myself a college president on a campus that has its share of beautiful coeds. I can't say I haven't noticed them—I'm not blind—but I can honestly say that I don't think of them as a sexual turn-on. To me, they're all someone's daughters, someone's sisters, someone's granddaughters.  After I realized how my mind's eye was seeing people in context, I also realized that this is a biblical principle. It's what Paul told Timothy to do in — relate to older women as mothers, to younger women as sisters.

     I've also seen enough lives and ministries ruined by sexual sin that that's a deterrent for me. I've had frightening temptations in my own life that help deter me, too; just thinking about what might have happened if they'd gone another step in the wrong direction scares a lot of sense into me when I need it. We might call that putting yourself in context when you're tempted.  One time when I was much younger, I was flying to Denver on business, and a young woman in her twenties was sitting next to me. As we were flying, I noticed she was crying. I wondered if I should say anything or just respect her privacy. But after several minutes, I finally said, "Is there any way I can help you?” "I don't know," she said, then looked away. "Well, I'm involved in youth work, in Youth for Christ," I said. "And I'd be happy to just talk to you if that would help."  She began to open up then She said she had been engaged to a young man, and she'd just learned that he had run off to marry another woman. "The worst part of it is I'm still a virgin," she said.  She went on to say that she had always believed that if you kept yourself pure, everything would turn out right. Now she had decided that since a "wild girl" had stolen her man, her remaining pure had been to no avail, and she was going to go to some ski lodge and make up for lost time.  "Do you think it's worth giving up what you've always believed because of one painful experience?" I asked.  "I don't know," she said, then sank into silence.

     Finally she continued, "Well, where are you staying tonight?" I told her, and she said she was staying there, too. Then she suggested that maybe after we arrived we could "have a couple of drinks together and see how the evening turns out."  In effect, she was inviting me to help her initiate her new lifestyle.  "I don't want you to be confused," I said. "Let me show you my pictures." I took out my wallet and showed her my family photos. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I was putting myself in context. Looking at your wife and children really cools a potentially hot situation. After I showed her the photos, I went on, "I sympathize with the pain you feel. If you need someone to tell you you're pretty, let me tell you that you're very pretty. If you need someone to tell you you're sexually attractive, let me tell you that you're very attractive and desirable. But if you want me to say I'm willing to act on that desire, no, I'm not going to do it. You're vulnerable right now; you're in a difficult situation. Further, I'm married. I'm also a Christian. And I'm not going to do it because it would mean taking advantage of you and violating my commitments and my faith." Then I explained a bit of how my faith commitment guides my life.

     She was silent for a few minutes, but then she said, "Well, if I thought that by waiting the rest of my life I could find another man who would turn down the offer I made to you tonight, I'd stay a virgin till I found him.”  I replied, "There are more guys like me out there than you may think. I hope you don't go through with your plan."  When we got to Denver, I put the young woman in touch with some female Youth For Christ staff, and she stayed the night with them. They spent a few days with her and then sent her back home. So far, thank God, I've never been given that kind of offer when I was vulnerable. But I have been tempted, and it's always helped me to put both the woman and myself in context...  Sexual temptation is all around us these days, and if we're honest with ourselves, we know we're often vulnerable.  In spite of all we do to avoid tempting situations, there will be times, such as my experience on the plane, when temptation will stare us right in the face. Our job is to prepare ourselves and keep our marriages strong before we find ourselves in those situations so that when the temptations come, we'll be able to maintain our integrity—and our ministries.”

     A regular reading of the news is enough to assure us this is a common stumbling block for everyone -- Christian and non-Christian alike -- be it pastors or the people in the pews. But I would ask you to mull over his advice and put it into practice. For when practiced I can say from experience that it does work in helping one gain victory. Obviously, there are other pieces that are important, and John Piper shares an excellent portion that would be worth your time checking out in his book, "Future Grace," Chapter 17, "Applying the Power of Future Grace to Lust."  These two resources read and applied could go a long way toward helping break the addiction to pornography, or the lure of temptation which so many fall prey to in this area. A few dollars well spent, and these two books on your reading list, could save a lot of heartache.

 Fellow Sinner in the Struggle for Integrity and Godliness, Pastor Jeff

He Touched Me - My Pilgrimage of Prayer

Greetings All,

     After sending out my "thought"  last week from John Powell's book, "He Touched Me - My Pilgrimage of Prayer,"  and receiving the positive response I got back as a result, I thought I would send out one more from the same book.  This selection has to do with honest "self-disclosure" with God in our times of prayer.  I have found what he says to be true to my own experience and have recommended it to others. Therefore, I also commend it to you.  Enjoy. 

     "I hear Jesus say, "Without me you can do nothing. You can bear no fruit. I am the Vine and you are the branches. Cut off from me you are dead."  I hear St. John say that only he who knows God can know the meaning of love.  I hear St. Paul describe love as the highest and greatest gift of the Spirit.  Wherever I have found love I have felt the presence of God; God at work in the minds and hearts and muscles of people.

     My experience of God has been working this transformation in me, too. Oh, I am still a very selfish person. God is not finished with me yet. Others may not think of me as a very effective lover, but they do not know the before and after; they cannot read the motives of the heart. The process of divinization, in which God makes us more and more into his image and likeness, is a slow and gradual process.  I am still a pilgrim.  But I have been touched and I am partially transformed. This is the basis of my hope. The God who has touched me in the past will act again and again in my life. Over and over again I will feel his finger and find him.

     Where has all this led me? Where has God, through all this, been leading me? I now understand and approach prayer as communication in a relationship of love, a speaking and listening in truth and in trust. Speaking to God honestly is the beginning of prayer.  It locates a person before God.  I believe that the primary "giving" of love is the giving of one's self through self-disclosure. Without such self-disclosure there is not real giving, for it is only in that moment when we are willing to put our true selves on the line, to be taken for better or for worse, to be accepted or rejected, that true interpersonal encounter begins.  We do not begin to offer ourselves to others until we offer ourselves in this way, for love demands presence, not presents. All my "gifts" (presents) are a mere motion until I have given my true self (presence) in honest self-revelation.

     As in all interpersonal relationships, so in the relationship with God. I do not put myself into his hands or confront his freedom of choice to accept or reject me, to love or loathe me, until I have told him who I really am. Only then can I ask him: Will you have me?  Will you let me be yours? Will you be mine? Martin Luther's first law of success in prayer was: "Don't lie to God!"  In speaking to God in the dialogue of prayer, we must reveal our true and naked selves. We must tell him the truth of our thoughts, desires, and feelings, whatever they may be.  They may not be what I would like them to be, but they are not right or wrong, true or false. They are me.

     I am sure that this has benefited me in many other ways, but certainly it has enabled to speak more honestly to my God. It has freed me from the lie of those prefabricated pious cliches that are death to true conversational prayer.  I have told him where I really live -- in belief and unbelief. I have told him of my weariness in answering his call.  Of the emotional resentment I feel at being a public utility, a servant to be used and taken for granted. I have ventilated all my neurotic, throbbing emotions... I have been like Job of the Old Testament, cursing the day he made me, and like the prophet Jeremiah, accusing God of making not a prophet, but a fool of me. I have been a King David singing of his mercy and forgiveness, which I have always needed along the way of my pilgrimage.

     There is something so healing about "letting it all out" with God. The psychiatrist Karl Jung defined neurosis in terms of an inner cleavage, a war within, the existence of fraction-hood or inward division. With Paul we all know that there is, "another law warring in my members."  The real problem is confronted when we come to the question of our willingness to accept ourselves in this human condition of weakness. Will we be comfortable as a fraction, a creature of ambiguity whose evil is always mixed somehow with good and whose good is always somehow tainted with evil?

     I am sure that my comfort in this human condition depends for me on whether God will accept me this way or not.  I am worth only what I am worth in his eyes.  All the rest is charade. So, I have to put myself on the line the way I am. Charades with God is wasted time. I have to place myself in the posture of trusting his greatness and understanding. This is the essential beginning of prayer."

     Self-disclosure with God requires two things:

     1st) It requires the assurance we will not be rejected for what we share. That is, we need to be assured of the Gospel doctrine of justification; that our acceptance is secured through another on our behalf. That God accepts us fully for Jesus sake, through faith in Him.  Or to put it in theological terms, we must believe the message of the Gospel -- that our justification is not dependent upon our sanctification or performance, but just the opposite!  If we do not believe this, then complete honesty with God and others is nearly impossible.

     2nd) To be searingly honest with God I must believe the biblical declaration that the God  who loves and accepts me in Jesus is all-knowing (Psalm 139:1-4). We must believe that there is nothing hidden from Him, not even the secret things we alone know about ourselves (Ecclesiastes 12:14).  If we think we can hide something from God, we will.  It's not until we know He knows all that we are, that we are  freed to share what we truly feel and struggle with - that mishmash of conflicting desires and compulsions Paul speaks of in Romans 7.  In fact, believing that God knows all, even the secret things, makes anything but complete openness and honesty and transparency and truthfulness with God seem so utterly childish and foolish -- like the child who naively thinks he's not fully exposed to the sight of others simply because he covers his own eyes with his hands! 

     God's omniscience actually beckons me to be completely truthful with him, because it assures me he already knows everything I'm thinking, feeling, and even repressing.  It helps me realize that in prayer he simply wants to hear me tell him what he already knows about me!  It's part of healing that neurotic cleavage and fraction-hood and bringing me (and you) to wholeness. And Powell is right, it does open the door to become the true beginning of real prayer.  Then honest communication replaces the pious cliches we often use to mask the truth of who we are and experience God loving even the darkest parts of us.

In the Bonds of the Transforming Truth of the Gospel,  Pastor Jeff

Holiness By Grace - Delighting In The Joy That Is Our Strength

Greetings All!

     This week's "thought" comes from a book well worth the time it takes to read: "Holiness By Grace - Delighting In The Joy That Is Our Strength" by Bryan Chapell.  It has to do with God's grace and favor toward us, and the common misconceptions we often have about what it is that causes that grace to come our way.  There are very few who do not desire God's grace.  Few who do not yearn for His favor.  Yet, as Chapell points out, in our attempts to attain it, we often drive it further from us.  We often go astray in the ways we seek to become recipients of it.  I found his instruction in this regard helpful.  I pray that you might also.  Enjoy.

     "Despite the teaching of Scripture, I am at times no less troubled than Christ's disciples were with God's determination to resist human efforts to purchase his love.  I want to believe that God must be good to the organizations I serve, to the family I love, and the career in which I seek to advance, because I have tried to be good. Such reasoning abandons me, however, when I honestly compare my righteousness to Christ's standards... When I face the reality of the inadequacy of my works to merit God's favor, then I recognize that I must depend on his goodness and not my own. At times this dependence (on his goodness) is scary because it lifts control from me, but there is no other choice when I recognize the true character of my good works. For according to Scripture, even my best works are only "filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:5). There is too much human imperfection and mixed motives in my best deeds to have them obligate God to do as I wish...

     That does not mean, however, that God never desires or blesses our goodness.  Walking in God's ways is itself a blessing (Ps. 1, Matt. 5:3-10). For example, being faithful to one's spouse brings integrity to a marriage that is a blessing.  Speaking honestly can enhance one's reputation and help secure faltering relationships... Still, no degree of human goodness will lock God into a pah of blessing according to our choosing, as though we have become his master through our merit.  God promises to bless obedience by using it for his purposes, but the blessings that result should be seen less as credit for our goodness, and more as evidence of his faithfulness to his purposes... Divine blessing flows from God's mercy rather than from our merit. Thus, we cannot guarantee that his care will flow according to our plans simply because we conform in some degree to biblical standards. Our works do not obligate God to care for us in the way WE think is best... God blesses according to the wisdom of his eternal mercy rather than in proportion to our works of earned merit...

     [In Luke 17:11-19 ten lepers cry out to Jesus in desperation, "Jesus, master, have mercy on us!"]... What does Jesus do when these desperate people plead with him for mercy? He shows them mercy.  Jesus shows pity to those who have nothing to claim but desperation.  He is moved by their desperate cry for help.  What is the message to us?  Our God is not moved by the deeds we trophy, but by the desperation we acknowledge as our own....

     God's heart is moved, not when we protest our innocence by pointing to our inadequate good deeds, nor when we promise that we will do better in the future. Though there is no reason for God to love us, yet he does.  This is the nature of grace that we must treasure to know the joy that God wants for our lives. Until we recognize that there is no reason God will be moved to love us other than the spiritual need we acknowledge, we have no good news to tell others or ourselves. How could it be good news that God waits to love us until we reach an unattainable standard of righteousness, or that he counts our "filthy rags" as meritorious?  Biblical faith is most evident not when we demand that God honor our flawed deeds, but when we trust that he will mercifully respond when we humbly and helplessly cry out, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"

     Those who cry out in desperation have more hope of moving God's heart than any who would trophy their own righteousness before him.  Those who face the hopelessness of their spiritual condition apart from God's mercy are nearer to experiencing his grace than those who pride themselves on their goodness. Not beyond God's mercy is the homosexual dying of AIDS, who says in a broken spirit, "People may condemn me for a life they do not approve, but to tell you the truth, I would have loved anyone that loved me back."  In fact, such a man may be nearer to expressing what melts the heart of heaven, than I am on the days that my preaching, my position (as a seminary president), and my righteousness, swell my pride to make me think I am deserving of God's blessing.

     To experience God's blessing I must readily and repeatedly confess my own hopeless condition. What makes me willing to do this is the knowledge that it is my desperation that inclines God's heart toward my own.  The awareness that he does not turn away from my desperation will actually draw me to confession and deep repentance. The assumption that God only loves the righteous will tempt me to hide from him (and myself) the flaws under the public veneer of my character and my fears of deeper failures... 

     Our Lord's response to the leper's cry for mercy should compel us to confess our sin to him no matter its degree or persistence. We need not have corrected the wrong in our lives to ask him to forgive us We should not attempt to try and compensate for our sin before we ask him to love us. Remember that Jesus cleansed all the lepers when they cried out for his mercy, even though in his divine nature he could have known that only one would return to thank him.  Neither past failing nor future weakness will dissuade our Savior from showing us mercy when we honestly acknowledge our desperate need for his grace."

     One only needs to glance at the any of the four Gospels to see the truth of what Chapell says.  God inclines his ear and opens his heart to the desperate, but resists the proud. He embraces the sinful man who won't even look up to heaven but in shame cries out, "Lord be merciful to me a sinner," yet refuses to listen to the Pharisee who looks down on that heart-broken man and brags inwardly that he is so much better and thanks God he is not like him.  Pride and self-righteousness (that is, thinking we can make ourselves acceptable to God by our personal deeds and efforts) pushes the divine hand of grace away, it does not (as many curiously think) bring God's favor and blessings near.  We must always remember: "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble."   It is the acknowledgment and confession of our sin, deep need, and personal inadequacy that draws close the grace and mercy of God, and the vain illusion that we have all our moral and spiritual ducks in a row that drives it away.

     If you would like to pray for grace, here is a simple prayer I often use: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Eternal God, be merciful to me a sinner." 

For His name's sake,  Pastor Jeff 

A Lesson in Integrity

Greetings All!

     This week's "thought" was sent to me by a friend.  It's basically a lesson in integrity in a world that often lacks it.  It came from the blog site: WONDERNEED ( runwonder.com ) and was the post for August 7th.  I thought it was a story worth passing on simply for the truth it teaches -- that in a world that has embraced moral relativism, some still look for people of godly character.  Enjoy.

How One CEO Taught His Employees a Lesson in Integrity

     "A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.  Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.  He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you..”  The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued: “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED… I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

     One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.  By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

     Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.  A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

     When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”   The CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot.  He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front.  Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”  When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!  His name is Jim!” Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.  “How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.

     Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.  All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!”

     In a world where we can tend to think that the road to success is simply a matter anticipating what others want, and then seeking to give them what we think they want (even if it means violating what we know to be right and true), this story stands as a helpful corrective. The honest person, or the person of integrity, as we all know, does not always "win out" in the end -- from a worldly perspective. Many people without solid integrity rise to the top, while those who have integrity get left in the dust.  In many cases honesty and truthfulness and a refusal to do what is wrong can be a problem when it comes to climbing the corporate ladder.  I knew a man who had to step down from a good paying managerial job because he was asked to change (tell an outright lie) on an employee accident report where the company was indeed at negligent and at fault, so that his employer would not be sued by the injured workers for their lost wages.  His honesty resulted in his losing his job, not a promotion.

     Yet, that's the choice we must all make.  Do what's expected and wanted, or do what is right.  Tell the truth, or manipulate the truth to our advantage. Do what we are asked (though immoral) or refuse to do it and accept the consequences -- whether they are good (by the world's standards) or bad (by the world's standards). Be a person of integrity because we know that's what God wants, and Christ calls us to, or do whatever enables us to get ahead in the world.  After all, many things that are legal are not moral, holy, or righteous in the sight of God.

     It brings us back to the ultimate question:  "What good is it if we gain the whole world and lose our soul?"   Every twisting of the truth...  every breach of integrity...  every overly-inflated charge (like the OT weighted scales)... chips away at the substance of our character and makes us less and less of what God wants us to be.  As Jesus told his disciples, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no; whatever is more than these is of the evil one" (Matthew 5:37).  When confronted by a moral dilemma, our goal should never be,"what will benefit me (in the worldly sense),"  but what honors God the most?  What does honesty and integrity demand?  For only then can it truly be to our benefit.

In the Glad Service of Jesus, Pastor Jeff

The Gospel of Self-Esteem

Greetings All!

     This week's "thought" comes to you from Prof. Archibald Hart, PhD.  He is professor of psychology at the Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary.  Hart is the the author 24 books, including: "Thrilled to Death: How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure is Leaving Us Numb."

     This particular thought deals with the American obsession with self-esteem and offers us some balanced and helpful insights. Many of the things he points out will not come as a surprise to you, since both experience and common sense would affirm the statements and findings he cites. As with many widely embraced cultural trends, they can tend to go to unwise and even counter-intuitive excesses and extremes before people realize the claims of their wonder-working power were grossly exaggerated.

     This article comes from "Faith and Culture," a book that offers a collection of articles on hundreds of topics relating faith to culture.  It is by Kelly Monroe Kullberg and Lael Arrington. If you are looking for a book with short and interesting articles across a span of topics, this is a book you may consider purchasing. This particular article is entitled: "The Gospel of Self-Esteem."

The Gospel of Self-Esteem

     "Is high self-esteem all its cracked up to be?  If you suffer from low self-esteem are you doomed to failure?  What new picture of self-esteem is emerging from the science of psychology, and how does it agree with God's Word on the subject?  In the upheaval of the late 60's and early 70's, the concept of self-esteem took off. "If only we can help people to feel better about themselves, we will solve many social problems and mental illnesses" became the driving force that sent teachers, parents, and even the states of California and New York in the 1980's scurrying to set up commissions and task forces on self-esteem. It became a national preoccupation that has now ended as a hopeless quest.  Research now conclusively shows that such efforts do little to improve social problems, academic performance, success in the workplace, or even to enhance our happiness.

     The bottom line is that while everyone intuitively recognizes the reality of "self-esteem," there is no evidence that by boosting these self-feelings one can accomplish more in life.  Research psychologists have now clearly demonstrated that self-esteem is the CONSEQUENCE of accomplishing something significant in life, not the CAUSE of accomplishments or failures.  In his 1994 presidential address to the American Psychological Association, Martin Seligman, a significant leader in the new "positive psychology" movement, denounced several "sacred cows" of psychotherapy, one being that in order to reduce mental illness we should try to increase the self-esteem of our children.  He stated: "undeniably, depressed people have low self-esteem. But bolstering self-esteem without changing hopelessness... accomplishes nothing."  He received a standing ovation!  His research shows that teens from the ghettos have the highest self-esteem ratings of any group, not the lowest!  The problem is that their self-esteem is "unwarranted."  As we teach and counsel others, we must caution one another to identify and address the myths that have penetrated the whole concept of self-esteem. Sermons abound on how one is to "love oneself," but we need to carefully interpret Matthew 19:19. We must be mindful that our participation in newly emerging worship styles is radically God-centered and not unduly influenced by the self-esteem movements emphasis on my needs and my feelings.

     Perhaps we need to pay more attention to the wisdom that Paul expresses in Romans 12:3 which tells us all we need to know about the self-esteem problem even though its focus is not on low self-esteem, but rather on an inflated and distorted sense of self.

"For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."  Romans 12:3

     Paul outlines the essential ingredients for building a Christian understanding of what I call "authentic self-esteem," an understanding and acceptance of yourself for who you really are. There is nothing wrong with being imperfect. Sometimes feeling bad acts as a stimulus to do better or try something different.  It can prompt confession, change, and courage.  One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a parent is to always protect your children from pain or failure. By cushioning them from feeling bad, the self-esteem movement has made it harder for us to feel good. It has encouraged cheap success. From the words of Paul I deduce that the essence of a healthy self-attitude must be based, first, on an honest and truthful self-understanding and image ("Think... with sober [honest] judgment); then, second, on a willingness to accept that you are who you are, created in God's image ("in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you"). All other self-feelings lead to self-hate. Your attitude to yourself (which is what self-esteem is really all about) must be based plainly and simply on thinking about yourself with complete honesty. You must own your flaws and your strengths.  It must never be dishonest (Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought"), not exaggerated or distorted.

     Many psychologists have pointed out that the struggle often is with an "internal filter system" we develop early in life that tends to deny our successes and hoards the memories of failures. Self-honesty requires one to be diligent in challenging these denials. After all, in God's kingdom there is always forgiveness and restoration.  No matter how inadequate you may feel about yourself, or how insignificant your life may appear to be on the outside, you should always remember that the grace of God covers every shortcoming.  You will always be precious to him, however you feel about yourself.  One can never go beyond the reach of his grace and forgiveness. Here lies the key to how you should feel about yourself: Your self needs to become more and more transparent to itself as you become less and less self-conscious. This is authentic self-esteem. You need to know who you are, how you have been redeemed, and how precious you are to God -- NOT because you are wonderful, but because he has made you his child."

     As I mentioned, experience and common sense would lead us to many of the same conclusions.  I once had a foster daughter who did not do well in school.  All of a sudden, in one marking period, she went from failing to straight A's. She came home ecstatic!  But we wondered how it had happened, since she hadn't studied any harder nor done any more work then she ever had?  It did boost her feelings about herself for a short three or four weeks, but she soon began to realize she got an "A" pretty much no matter what she did, and was allowed to re-take tests as many times as she needed to get it. She even came to feel somewhat betrayed and foolish and resent their manipulative attempt to play with her mind and "boost her self-esteem" by giving her grades she did nothing to deserve. In essence, it back-fired, since like most kids she knew it was all a game.  She knew, and we knew, that despite what studies at that time were saying, there is no evidence that by boosting these self-feelings one can accomplish more in life...  self-esteem is the CONSEQUENCE of accomplishing something significant in life, not the CAUSE of accomplishments or failures."

     Just some wise, insightful, and much needed food for thought, Pastor Jeff

Praying with The Puritans

Greetings All,

     This past weekend I attended a conference in Pittsburgh, PA, for the CCO (Coalition For Christian Outreach) where there just happened to be a bookseller.  My curiosity got the best of me, and I walked over to see what books were on the shelves.  I practiced great restraint (for me) and ended up walking out with only four new books to add to my library!  One, which was entitled: "Kneeling With Giants - Learning To Pray With History's Best Teachers," by Gary Neal Hansen, caught my attention.

     I've only gotten through two of it's chapters so far, but I found one section both interesting and helpful.  It's called, "Praying with The Puritans" and encourages us to use their common form of praying by meditation and writing.  Enjoy.

Praying With The Puritans

     "Back in student days, after a bad breakup, my journal saved my sanity. I bought a little black book to hold my dark, grieving thoughts, and in it I poured out lamentation, confusion and anger. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote, until I didn't need to anymore.  A couple years later, I looked back and found that pretty much every page was the same. You could say writing was a kind of therapy, but for me it was prayer. God was listening. Healing came.

     I often pray best with a pen.... Writing in my journal draws me quickly and surely into God's company. God is there, listening, and I find myself understood and accepted. That changes me. It may seem an odd and indirect form of prayer -- I do not start each journal entry with "Dear God" -- but if prayer is conversation, the act of writing allows me to take my part of the dialogue seriously.  It slows me down, and hidden things come to light.  Burdens are lifted. Insights and possibilities emerge....

     To all who resist writing as a way of prayer, I plead for an imaginative openness. A great many people find that writing sparks spiritual growth.... The first time I tried to write in a journal, I found myself so anxious I destroyed every page. I was not afraid that someone would see it. The struggle was with myself. Here were my feelings, the insides of me, spread out on a page. I felt almost naked. Later, and to my own surprise, I tried again. Soon writing in my journal was the way to come honestly to God and find grace. All I can say is that it is worth it to keep coming back to the experiment of prayerful writing...  If this is a new way to pray, it can be a challenge. The good news is that many Christians have prayed this way throughout history.  And there is no better example than the Puritans.

     Now, before you start rolling your eyes, let me say that these sixteenth and seventeenth-century Calvinists from England and then America have gotten a bad rap. We assume the joke is true that a Puritan is defined as someone terribly afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun.  In literature class we read The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) or The Crucible by Arthur Miller (1915-2005) [neither one of which ever met or had any interaction with a Puritan] and forever after when we hear "Puritan" we picture poor Hester Prynne being judged and shamed, or the horror of the Salem witch trials.  However, if you read what the Puritans wrote about the Christian life, the picture changes. They brought single-minded passion to their pursuit of God. They lived with a focused, prayerful longing to be made new in Christ. They may have been more conscious of sin than most Christians are today, but they were also more aware of God's blessings and grace. These were inner experiences, but I can describe them confidently because when they prayed about them they often did so with pen in hand. Written approaches to prayer were so important to the Puritans that they wrote manuals to teach each other how to do it. 

     The Puritans, as Calvinists, had a very heavy doctrine of providence, believing that God was actively involved in virtually everything in their lives and the world. Today the idea has fallen on hard times. Many assume God is not actively involved, or they look at things that happen in the world and wonder what God could possibly have been thinking. Providence filled John Beadle (an English Puritan who lived from 1595-1667 and wrote "Diary of a Thankful Christian") with a sense of wonder. He claimed that if we only looked, we would see God's name, wisdom, power and faithfulness in every blade of grass and every drop of rain. Nurturing awareness of providence can bring us to awe as well. Believing, as Elizabeth Barrett Browning put it, "earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush alive with God" makes it more likely that we will notice God at work, take off our shoes, and kneel.

     Beadle lists a number of topics to write about in our journals. Some are more clearly powerful than others, but they all help us move forward in seeing God at work, and giving thanks, knowing God better and loving God more. 

            1.) "Let every man keep a strict account of his effectual calling." "Effectual calling" is the Puritan term for the way God got through and made you a Christian... 

       2.) "Take special notice of all divine assistance.. either in the performance of the duties that are required of us, or in bearing those evils that are inflicted upon us." 
       3.) "Remember, and for that end put into your journal all deliverance's from dangers, either to you or yours."
       4.) "All the instruments, all the people and means that God has in providence at any time used for your good, must not be forgotten." 
       5.) "And finally, mark what returns, what answers God gives to your prayers, and write them down... as most remarkable pledges of His love." 

     When I first became a believer (38 yeas ago) I did this very thing more often (having no idea the Puritans had done it before me). I even have those journals in my possession still, and the answers to many prayers recorded there. But in our fast paced society that habit fell by the wayside. Thankfully, this chapter convinced me I need to pick up my pen and journal again.  You may want to give it a try as well. After all, how could one not benefit from prayerfully writing about God's grace and involvement in their lives, or recording for future days a written record to remind them of His power, providence, intervention, rescue, provision, and daily expressions of kindness?  I dare say it could do everyone nothing but good! 

In His Service, Pastor Jeff