This much lesser known book, "I'm Not Mad At God," is a set of devotional writings speaking of some of the things he learned through his spiritual struggles in ministering in some very adverse conditions and situations. Since he passed away in 2011 (at the age of 79) and I have always found his writings (and sermons) a blessing, I offer these in honor of his life. Enjoy.
Disturbed
"As an eagle stirs her nest..." (Deut. 32:11)
"The man God uses is
often a restless man. He cannot be satisfied with the status quo. His nest is always being stirred. Just
when he settles down to rest for a few months of enjoyable ministry, he loses
heart or becomes strangely restless. He cannot tell you why. He may know the
great joy of the Lord, but at the same time be absolutely disgusted with his
present situation. Watch out -- God is ready to break up the nest!
You
will soon be flung out into the space of faith and trust, ready to do God's
bidding. All new ministries He has thrust me into have come immediately after a
'nest stirring.' Restlessness and discontent are the motivational forces that
drive all men of God to great heights of service."
Proving
A Man
(Testing the Quality of a Man's Heart)
"God
left him to test him and to know all that was in his heart." ( II Chron. 32:31)
"We
have become so preoccupied in proving God that we have not prepared our hearts
for the great tests of life whereby God proves us. Could it be that the great
trial you are now facing, the burden you now carry, is actually God at work
proving you? 'God did prove Abraham... Take your son, your only son, whom you
love... and sacrifice him there as a burnt offering (Gen. 1:1-2).
God proved an entire nation
to find out what was really in its heart. 'Your God led you there forty years
in the wilderness to humble you, and to prove you, to know what was in your
heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not' (Duet. 8:2).
An
amazing verse is II Chronicles 32:31, telling how God left a great king
(Hezekiah) for a season to prove him. 'God left him, to try him, that he might
know all that was in his heart."
Often,
while in the righteous pursuit of God's work, the steward of the Lord finds
himself apparently forsaken -- tried to the limits of endurance and left all
alone to battle the forces of hell. Every man God has ever blessed has been
proved in the same manner.
Do you find yourself in
strange circumstances? Do you feel forsaken and alone? Do you fight a losing
battle with an unpredictable enemy? These are signs pointing to the proving
process. Victory is always desired, but should you fail, remember: it is what
you have left in your heart that God is interested in, your attitude after you
have won or lost the lonely battle. Your devotion to Him in spite of failure is
His desire.
Jesus promised never to
leave us nor forsake us. But the record of Scripture reveals there are seasons
when the Father withdraws His presence to prove us. Even Christ experienced
that lonely moment on the cross. It is then our blessed Savior is most touched
by the feeling of this infirmity -- and He whispers, '"I will pray for you, that
your faith may not fail.'"
Anyone who has engaged in
ministry knows what he's speaking about. Times of restlessness. Times of
loneliness (even when we are surrounded by people)! Times when God has
withdrawn the sense of His presence and we feel completely forsaken (while
engaged wholeheartedly in His service). And often we ask,
"Why?"
Yet Wilkerson here offers a
frequently overlooked answer to that question -- God may be doing it to prove
you. In fact, He may be doing it to prove to you what is really in
your heart, that is, as opposed to what you thought was in your heart. This
has often been the case with me. And it's been humbling to discover dwelling in
my soul things I never thought could be found there. Things I thought I had
rooted out of my soul.
In this sense, trials and
the absence of God's presence act like a stick in a pool of crystal clear water
that we come across when we stroll through the woods. The water is clean and
still and crystal clear -- until you take the stick and stir the waters. Then
all the muck and decaying leaves and dead bugs that were resting motionless on
the bottom are all of a sudden stirred
up, and you realize that that clean pool wasn't as clean as it looked at first
glance.
The same is true of our
souls. Self-deception is so easy to fall into. That is, until God (out of love)
takes the stick of trials and the unsettling sense that His presence has
been withdrawn, and uses it to stir the waters we thought were so clean. Then
we come face to face with the fact that much of the muck we thought was gone
had really done nothing but settle there, hidden because of the relative peacefulness
of our life-circumstances.
Yet the revelation that its
still there humbles us, and deals another blow to our pride, and dislodges us
from our complacency and makes us more thankful than ever that salvation is by
grace. And isn't that the place we always needed to be anyway?
In the Bonds of Christian
Service, Pastor Jeff
