Jesus

Greetings All!

     These past few weeks I was reading (and re-reading) testimonies written by people who are joining the church where I pastor.  I always find such personal accounts of God's work in people's lives to be fascinating and encouraging. Simply tracing the threads of God's providential and redemptive work in the lives of others encourages me in my own life!  In fact, they made me decide I would send out something different today -- my own testimony which I condensed into the form of a short poem and read at my ordination service in 1987.  And please keep in mind I do not claim any gifting as a poet, it was simply a shorter way of sharing what would have been much longer if I shared it in a different format.

     You will quickly discern I grew up in a rural place (actually, next to my grandfather's farm and sizable expanses of open land).  And although I do use metaphors in the poem, I want you to know the references to the dream of a cross "on a distant hill" and an encounter with an "angel" actually happened. 

     










     I have always loved Francis Thompson's extraordinary poem about God's pursuit of him, called, "The Hound of Heaven" (in my opinion, a must read).  In so many ways his experience mimicked my own as I hit my teens and early 20's: God's abundant kindnesses were excused away by my sin-hardened heart.  God's repeated mercies were met by my firmly entrenched resistance.  And God's unrelenting pursuit of me was countered by me running in the opposite direction.  Until one day, that is, when -- tired and burdened by the guilt of all my sin -- His grace conquered my resistance, and the sweet persistence of His loving overtures led to the divine conquest of my soul.  You also may have seen (or do see) that same process taking place in your own soul, hopefully with the same eventuality of conquest and surrender finishing off the story.  The following stanzas take you from my first memories of childhood to the time I entered the pastorate 31 years ago.  The poem is simply entitled, "Jesus."

JESUS

You sought me when my days were young; 

Your love reached out through everyone.

Such gifts you gave, so rare and sweet; 

Ten thousand clues laid at my feet,

Yet still our paths did never meet.

You called to me from peaceful woods, 

From morning dews which glistening stood;

In fields where flow'rs Your radiance shown, 

And wildlife's whispers in clear tones, 

Called out to make your glory known.

You called to me so many ways - 

In dreams at night of ancient days, 

Where on a distant hill there stood,

A silhouetted cross of wood.

And in the hush mine eyes did see, 

A figure hanging there... for me

I ran not knowing what to do, 

But still your angels did pursue.

I shunned your love, I knew Your creed - 

It was for sinners You did bleed!

My plans were set, I had no need,

My eyes were set on lust and greed.

I turned my back on all You'd shown, 

Excused away the love I'd known.

To me You'd been so kind and real, 

But yet my heart refused to yield.

So many kindnesses You'd shown, 

And yet my heart had turned to stone.

I sought life's thrills to fill the void, 

There was no pleasure not employed.  

For self I lived and breathed and slept, 

Until in broken shame I wept, 

To see the vigil You had kept.

"Such love," I said, "it cannot be,

That condescends to one like me!

If anything I'd earned Your rage;

Eternal wrath the sinner's wage."

But You in loving mercy shown,

With greater love than ere' I'd known.

You touched and turned me Lord to You,

With love unfathomable but true.

You caused my hardened heart to see, 

No greater joy could ere' there be,

Than loving You who first loved me.

Living in the Grace of Jesus, Pastor Jeff 

Life Together - Christian community

Greetings to All,

My thought for this week comes mainly from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who was martyred by the Nazi's one month before the end of World War II.  Though his most famous book was "The Cost of Discipleship" (where he warned people against adopting the unbiblical substitute for real grace which he called "cheap grace") this thought comes from ideas expressed in his book, "Life Together."  If you have never read it, it is well worth your time (and the price of the book)!   It's all about what is necessary for true Christian community to take place.  Enjoy.

     "Acknowledgement of sin in the presence of another brother is a safeguard against self-deception.  It is a curious fact that many people find it easier to confess their sins privately to a holy and sinless God than to openly confess them to an unholy and sinful brother.  If this is so, it should give us reason to pause and ask ourselves if we are really confessing our sins to God.  We must ask ourselves whether we have not been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God -- whether we have not, rather, been confessing our sins to ourselves and also granting ourselves absolution.

     Is this not perhaps the reason for our countless relapses and the feebleness of our Christian obedience?  Is it not to be found precisely in the fact that we are living on self-forgiveness and not a real forgiveness? When sin has been brought into the light, and confessed it can be forgiven.  Its power can be broken.  It can no longer hold the believer in bondage or tear the fellowship apart.  The sinner can honestly be a sinner and still enjoy the grace of God and the love of the brethren.  This is the moment where fellowship in Christ becomes a profound reality (when sin is openly confessed -- even the worst of sins -- and the love of our brethren continues to be extended to us in spite of it).

     Open confession of sin to another so crucifies one's pride that rarely ever occurs unless a person earnestly yearns to be rid of his sin.  By openly confessing his sin he breaks the habit of secretly cherishing, nurturing, or refusing to let it go.  He becomes accountable.  He gains the support of his praying brothers in his fight to overcome its life-polluting influences.  In essence, he begins to live the life of discipleship."

     Bonhoeffer makes a good point.  Why is it that believers are so unwilling to confess their sins to a fellow believer or believers (as the Bible encourages)? (James 5:16).  Not secretly, from behind a curtain, so we can continue to remain anonymous in our sin, but eye to eye in the presence of another who knows us and can keep us accountable.

     It's a question each believer honestly needs to ask him or herself: Why do I hesitate to confess my sins to another when Scripture encourages it?  Although some might justifiably suggest lack of confidentiality (which is a very real problem), many (most I've spoken with) struggle with the inner sense of embarrassment, shame, or exposure that often accompanies it.  And surely, as Bonhoeffer points out, it may even be that confessing to a close friend means we may have a pair of eyes keeping us accountable that were not even looking our way before.  In any case, our hesitancy to "confess our sins to one another" calls forth an earnest examination as to why we don't, or won't.

     Maybe Bonhoeffer is right. Maybe it is that we've been confessing them to ourselves and granting ourselves absolution.  Maybe it's because we want forgiveness but don't really want to give up our sin. Maybe it's confession without true repentance. For as Luther once rightly pointed out: "The truest repentance is to do so no more." If we really want to be done with sin, and not just receive forgiveness for sins we aren't sure we fully intend to give up (or worse yet, have no intention of giving up), then being silent and simply confessing it to God is the best way to go.

Just some food for thought.

In the service of the Gospel, Pastor Jeff

The Life and Diary of David Brainerd

Greetings All,

     I had a breakfast with a few friends today and the name David Brainerd came up. It led me to think of offering you some thoughts regarding his missionary activity among the Indians in eastern Pennsylvania and New Jersey between June 1744 through June of 1745. He ministered near the Susquehanna, the Forks of the Delaware River, and in Crossweeksung, before succumbing to tuberculosis, riding his horse from there to Massachusetts, and then passing away in the home of Jonathan Edwards at the young age of 29.
     Brainerd was born in Haddam, Connecticut, on April 20, 1718. His father died when he was nine, and his mother when he was 14 -- leaving him (his four brothers and four sisters) orphaned.  In July of 1739 (at the age of 21), he was so overcome by the sense of God's wrath against his sins, and the imperfection in all his religious duties, that it drove him to seek -- by faith in Christ alone -- "that way of salvation that is entirely by the righteousness of Christ." 
     He started at Yale College in New Haven in September of that year, studying to enter the pastorate. Though he was at the top of his class, and likely to be the valedictorian that next year at graduation, he was casually asked by two friends what he thought of one particular professor (Mr. Whittelsey).  He answered that he had no more grace (in him) than the chair he was sitting in. Another student, who happened to overhear his remark, told the faculty and Brainerd was dismissed from the college or ever returning. It would be hard to describe the shame and brokenness of spirit this caused Brainerd -- since without a degree from Harvard or Yale, or a European college, one could not gain a pulpit in New England.
     Yet, by the providence of God, this led Brainerd to his short but impactful life's work among the Indians.  Due to the severe conditions of working outside, and traveling with the Indians, he succumbed to tuberculosis and died in 1747. Jeshua Edwards (Jonathan Edwards 17 year old daughter) fell in love with him as she nursed him during the last six months of his life in their house.  In the last week of his life he told her: "If I had thought that I should not see you, and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you..."  She herself contracted tuberculosis from him and died the next winter at the age of 18.

     The excerpts that follow are taken from his journal and diary which were never intended to be public, or published.They were discovered by Edwards after he died, who after editing out some of the more personal content published them under the title: "The Life and Diary of David Brainerd."  It was one of the volumes which William Carey read that inspired him to pursue foreign missions. My son David is named after him.  Enjoy.

     Saturday, October 5, 1745: "Preached to my people (the Indians at Crossweeksung, N.J.) from John 14:1-6.  The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were affected with divine truths and it was a season of comfort to some in particular. Oh what a difference there is between these Indians and the Indians I had lately ministered to at the Susquehanna!  To be with them seemed like being banished from God, and all His people; but to be with these, is like being admitted into His family, and to the enjoyment of His divine presence!  How great is the change lately made upon numbers of these Indians, who not many months ago were as thoughtless and adverse to Christianity as those upon Susquehanna! And how astonishing is that grace which has made this change!"

     Sunday, Lord's Day, October 6, 1745: "Preached before noon from John 10:7-11. There was a considerable melting among my people. The dear young Christians were refreshed, comforted and strengthened, and one or two persons newly awakened (or made alive in Jesus). In the afternoon I discoursed on the story of the jailer in Acts 16, and in the evening expounded Acts 20:1-12. There was at this time a very agreeable melting spread through the whole assembly. I think I scarce ever saw a more desirable affection in any number of people in my life. There was scarce a dry eye to be seen among them, and yet nothing boisterous or unseemly. Nothing that tended to disturb public worship. But rather, to encourage and excite a Christian ardor an spirit of devotion. Those who, I have reason to hope, were savingly renewed, were the first affected, and seemed to rejoice much, but with brokenness of spirit and godly fear... appearing to be the genuine effect of a Spirit of adoption.
     After public service was over I withdrew (being much tired with the labors of the day) and the Indians continued praying among themselves for nearly two hours together. These continued exercises appeared to be attended with a blessed quickening influence from on high. I could not but earnestly wish that numbers of God's people had been present at this season to see and hear these things, which I am sure must refresh the heart of every true lover of Zion's interest..."
     October 24, 1745:  "Discoursed from John 4:13-14. There was a great attention, a desirable affection, and an unaffected melting in the assembly. It is surprising to see how eager they are of hearing the word of God. I have oftentimes thought they would cheerfully and diligently attend divine worship twenty-four hours straight, had they an opportunity so to do."

     October 25, 1745: "Discoursed to my people respecting the resurrection, from Luke 20:27-36. And when I came to mention the blessedness the godly shall enjoy at that season; their final freedom from death, sin, and sorrow; their equality to the angels in regard to their nearness to, and enjoyment of Christ (an imperfect degree of which they are favored with in the present life, and from whence springs their sweetest comfort)... numbers of them were much affected and melted with a view of this blessed state."

     October 26, 1745: "I was asked to help assist in the serving of the Lord's Supper at a nearby congregation (of Englishmen). Invited my (Indian) people to go with me. In general they accepted the opportunity cheerfully, and attended the several discourses (in English) with diligence and affection, most of them now understanding something of the English language."

     Lord's Day, October 27, 1745: "While I was preaching to a vast assembly of people, there was one Indian woman, a stranger, who never heard me preach before, nor ever regarded anything about religion. She was persuaded by some of her friends to come to meeting, though much against her will. She was seized with pressing concern for her soul, and soon after expressed a great desire of going home, more than 40 miles distant, to call her husband, that he might also be awakened to a concern for his soul. Some other of the Indians also appeared to be affected with divine truths this day. The pious people of the English (numbers of whom I had opportunity to converse with) seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians worship God in that devout and solemn manner with the assembly of His people. And with those mentioned in Acts 11:18, they could not but, "glorify God, saying, "Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted repentance unto life."

     October 28, 1745: "Preached again to a great assembly, at which time some of my people appeared affected. And when public worship was over, were inquiring whether there would not be another sermon in the evening, or before the celebration of the Lord's Supper ended, being still desirous to hear God's word."

     About a year before his death (September of 1746) he wrote in his diary: "My heaven is to please God, and glorify Him, and to give all to Him, and be totally devoted to His glory. That is the heaven I long for. That is my religion, and that is my happiness, and always was ever since I suppose I had any true religion in me."

     May the Lord be pleased to pour out upon the lives of many in our day the same spirit of hungering after God. In God's providence Brainerd was kept from pastoring a comfortable New England church.

     Yet he was driven by his love for souls to preach -- to the Indians -- people he came to love so much that he often pleaded for their rights against the settlers, "complaining of the horrid practice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheating them out of their lands, and other properties, with too much warmth of spirit" (righteous anger).

In His Service, Pastor Jeff

Inspirational Writing

Greetings All,

     This week's 'thought' comes to you in the form of a poem/prayer.  It was one youth's entry for "Inspirational Writing" at the 2014 IFCA National Youth Conference.  It's author is Casey VanderStel of Caledonia, WI, and is taken from, "VOICE - An Independent Church Journal" (May/June 2015).
     As you will see, she writes with keen insight, discernment and wisdom considering the fact that she appears, from her picture, to be of High School or early college age at best.  Yet despite her youth she possesses a good degree of self-understanding and expresses it with ample writing skills. I couldn't stop reading it once I started. I trust you will find it spiritually insightful and engaging as well. Enjoy.

A Selfish Prayer

     "My God, my God, why have I forsaken You?  My own spotlight drowns out Your stars. I choose my own ways over everything You are. 

     My God, I have forgotten the sound of Your voice, because my own always gets in the way.

     My God, sometimes I catch myself answering my own prayers when I pray. But this is my honest prayer, and it hurts to tell the truth... I struggle to trust You and don't always love You. The days I get it right are far too few. And I cringe to think of what people see when they look for You inside of me.

     My God, I've forged Your signature on a beautiful blueprint I've drawn up for my life, and keep it tucked inside my Bible, hoping You can take a hint.

     My God, my God, why have I forsaken You?  My fears have grown their own ugly heads and they are all I can see when I look to heaven. But I've perfected my Sunday smile and become a walking contradiction, a poster child hypocrite, everything I've always hated.

     I steal the praise that is meant for You. I am so reluctant to fall on my knees.  When I'm honest, my God, You are not everything to me.

     Does it break Your heart when I don't tell them I know You? They mock Your Christians and I don't tell them I follow You. They defile Your Name and I don't tell them I love You.  You are my travel God. I keep you in my glove compartment, with the packets of stale ketchup, between old napkins and owners manuals, and I pull You out whenever my engine stalls.

     My God, I need You every hour, but I only want You every Sunday.

     My God, sometimes I'm not even talking to You when I pray.

     You come in a solid second. You're my plan B. You're only my first choice if You're the only choice I see.  Every time I come to worship You I end up thinking only of me. My God, I am nothing but a selfish pray-er.

     My God, my God, why have I forsaken You? You fill my life with beauty and grace, but still I don't seek Your face. You know the number of my days, but I'm still chasing my own ways.

     And that is the ultimate beauty and the ultimate tragedy -- when I stop loving You, You keep loving me.  I've spent enough time stuffing You in my sock drawer and leaving You outside the door to know this, and yes, You're not just an object I can lose, Lord, but I'm so wrapped up in my own dreams I've forgotten the fact that You control my destiny. 

     I don't hate You, but I don't love You like I should. I don't ignore You, but I don't trust You like I could. You'd think I'd know how to listen and live by now, but I still wake up without You on my mind. And I always say I'll fix myself some other time.

     My God, my God, why have I forsaken You? You are the voice I've replaced with empty space. And the sounds of those clamoring to take your place sound like a siren song I'm too weak to resist after so long. I'm sorry.

     I have met a god called Busyness, and he runs me till I am empty.

     I have met a god called Shame, and he has me pinned under the sacrifices I bring.

     I have met a god called Pride, and she says I'm doing just fine.

     I have met a god called Apathy, and he tells me I don't have to do a thing.

     I have met a god called Selfishness, and she looks a lot like me. She looks a lot like me.

     My God, my God, I have been my own god for far too long.

     Father, forgive me, for I know exactly what I've been doing."

     Most of us, I am sure, could see a little bit of ourselves in some of her soul-revealing confessions. It is refreshing to read such an honest and transparent prayer. It even prompts us to ask forgiveness for such things as well. May it be so.

Yours in the Gospel, Pastor Jeff