Sexual Temptation

Greetings All!

     I will get right to our topic for today: SEX.  Today's post is about sexual temptation.  That usually gets the attention of most since it's a struggle we've all faced, or do face, being people God created with sexual desires (unless we were "born eunuchs," as Jesus put it in Matthew 19:12, or born without a desire/ability for sexual fulfillment).
This post is lengthy, but worth reading if you are a Christian who cares about the things God cares about, and desires to gain victory in this area.  It is one of the best pieces of advice I've read on the issue, and comes to you from Jay Kesler. It is found in his book, "Being Holy, Being Human."   Jay (presently 83 years old, but written when he was much younger) was a former pastor in Illinois and Indiana, a former president of Youth for Christ, and formerly president of Taylor University.  His book is honest, practical, and helpful - a must read for the serious Christian or pastor.  It deals with Transparency, Expectations, Identity, Doubt, Money, the Pressure to perform, and other topics as well. With that said, he speaks here of just one on those many issues affecting holiness. Enjoy.

     “We all struggle in this area [of sexual temptation], and some have fallen,” says Kesler in a book written primarily to pastors.  “It's a serious problem, one of the most serious we face in the tension between being holy and being human.... Given the usual process by which sexual sin comes about, it naturally follows that the most important part of resisting sexual temptation is to maintain a good marriage relationship… I know that with all the demands we face, including obligations to our children, finding the time to maintain this kind of relationship with a spouse isn't easy — but there's simply no more important human relationship in the world for us to maintain. It's worth the effort and time and money it takes...

     Another big help to me in actually avoiding lust has been what I call contextualization. I pastored a church for fifteen years, and after about the twelfth year it dawned on me one day that I'd never had a sexual thought about any woman in the church. That amazed me, frankly, because I'm a sexual being like anyone else. I have sexual thoughts. I notice when I see a beautiful woman on the street; I didn't go blind when I became a Christian. In fact, earlier in my Christian life, when my buddies and I talked honestly, we all admitted that maintaining sexual purity was one of the major struggles of the younger man. Why hadn't I had sexual thoughts about women in the church? As I thought about it, I finally realized it was because I saw each of them in context. I knew all the people there so well that I knew everyone's husband, wife, son, and daughter, and many of the parents and grandparents, too. No one could be an object of lust to me without my being reminded of that person's other relationships. I knew that everyone there was a dear person to other people I knew and cared for. This included the women, and I couldn't look at them apart from their contexts of family and friends.  The only way you can prey on people and turn them into some kind of objects, especially for lust, is to mentally get them out of context. Conversely, if you think of them in context, you're not nearly so tempted to lust.

     Thus, I find it a good practice in ministry to continually think of people in context. For example, suppose I'm driving down the street and see some beautiful teenager who's dressed in an attention-getting way. My automatic response now is to contextualize her, to say to myself, “Hey, she's about the age of my daughter. I wonder who her parents are and how she gets along with them?” And suddenly the sexual part of it disappears. The girl hasn't changed, but my perception has. Instead of being an object of sexual thoughts, she's become someone's daughter, someone's little girl.  The same thing is true now that I find myself a college president on a campus that has its share of beautiful coeds. I can't say I haven't noticed them—I'm not blind—but I can honestly say that I don't think of them as a sexual turn-on. To me, they're all someone's daughters, someone's sisters, someone's granddaughters.  After I realized how my mind's eye was seeing people in context, I also realized that this is a biblical principle. It's what Paul told Timothy to do in — relate to older women as mothers, to younger women as sisters.

     I've also seen enough lives and ministries ruined by sexual sin that that's a deterrent for me. I've had frightening temptations in my own life that help deter me, too; just thinking about what might have happened if they'd gone another step in the wrong direction scares a lot of sense into me when I need it. We might call that putting yourself in context when you're tempted.  One time when I was much younger, I was flying to Denver on business, and a young woman in her twenties was sitting next to me. As we were flying, I noticed she was crying. I wondered if I should say anything or just respect her privacy. But after several minutes, I finally said, "Is there any way I can help you?” "I don't know," she said, then looked away. "Well, I'm involved in youth work, in Youth for Christ," I said. "And I'd be happy to just talk to you if that would help."  She began to open up then She said she had been engaged to a young man, and she'd just learned that he had run off to marry another woman. "The worst part of it is I'm still a virgin," she said.  She went on to say that she had always believed that if you kept yourself pure, everything would turn out right. Now she had decided that since a "wild girl" had stolen her man, her remaining pure had been to no avail, and she was going to go to some ski lodge and make up for lost time.  "Do you think it's worth giving up what you've always believed because of one painful experience?" I asked.  "I don't know," she said, then sank into silence.

     Finally she continued, "Well, where are you staying tonight?" I told her, and she said she was staying there, too. Then she suggested that maybe after we arrived we could "have a couple of drinks together and see how the evening turns out."  In effect, she was inviting me to help her initiate her new lifestyle.  "I don't want you to be confused," I said. "Let me show you my pictures." I took out my wallet and showed her my family photos. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I was putting myself in context. Looking at your wife and children really cools a potentially hot situation. After I showed her the photos, I went on, "I sympathize with the pain you feel. If you need someone to tell you you're pretty, let me tell you that you're very pretty. If you need someone to tell you you're sexually attractive, let me tell you that you're very attractive and desirable. But if you want me to say I'm willing to act on that desire, no, I'm not going to do it. You're vulnerable right now; you're in a difficult situation. Further, I'm married. I'm also a Christian. And I'm not going to do it because it would mean taking advantage of you and violating my commitments and my faith." Then I explained a bit of how my faith commitment guides my life.

     She was silent for a few minutes, but then she said, "Well, if I thought that by waiting the rest of my life I could find another man who would turn down the offer I made to you tonight, I'd stay a virgin till I found him.”  I replied, "There are more guys like me out there than you may think. I hope you don't go through with your plan."  When we got to Denver, I put the young woman in touch with some female Youth For Christ staff, and she stayed the night with them. They spent a few days with her and then sent her back home. So far, thank God, I've never been given that kind of offer when I was vulnerable. But I have been tempted, and it's always helped me to put both the woman and myself in context...  Sexual temptation is all around us these days, and if we're honest with ourselves, we know we're often vulnerable.  In spite of all we do to avoid tempting situations, there will be times, such as my experience on the plane, when temptation will stare us right in the face. Our job is to prepare ourselves and keep our marriages strong before we find ourselves in those situations so that when the temptations come, we'll be able to maintain our integrity—and our ministries.”

     A regular reading of the news is enough to assure us this is a common stumbling block for everyone -- Christian and non-Christian alike -- be it pastors or the people in the pews. But I would ask you to mull over his advice and put it into practice. For when practiced I can say from experience that it does work in helping one gain victory. Obviously, there are other pieces that are important, and John Piper shares an excellent portion that would be worth your time checking out in his book, "Future Grace," Chapter 17, "Applying the Power of Future Grace to Lust."  These two resources read and applied could go a long way toward helping break the addiction to pornography, or the lure of temptation which so many fall prey to in this area. A few dollars well spent, and these two books on your reading list, could save a lot of heartache.

 Fellow Sinner in the Struggle for Integrity and Godliness, Pastor Jeff

Thought-Provoking one-liner's from C.S. Lewis

Greetings All,

     Today's "thoughts" are all short, sweet, thought-provoking one-liner's from C.S. Lewis.  I trust one, two or more might speak truth to your heart. Enjoy!

"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self -- all your wishes and precautions -- to Christ."

Mere Christianity (1952)

"When Christ died, he died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only person in the world."

Mere Christianity (1952)

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

The Problem of Pain (1940)

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

Collected Letters of C. S. Lewis  (2006)

“A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.”

The Great Divorce  (1945)

"There are only two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."

The Great Divorce (1945)

“The instrument through which you see God is your whole self. And if a man's self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred.” 

Mere Christianity (1952)

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good."

Mere Christianity (1952)

"We do not want merely to see beauty . . . We want something else which can hardly be put into words - to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it." 

Transposition and Other Addresses (1949) 

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

Mere Christianity (1952)

"The sun looks down on nothing half so good as a household laughing together over a meal."

The Weight of Glory (1949)

“It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they shall see God, for only the pure in heart want to.”

The Problem of Pain (1940)

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."

God In The Dock (1970)

"When we Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world."

Mere Christianity (1952)

“Each day we are becoming a creature of splendid glory or one of unthinkable horror.” 

Mere Christianity (1952)

"To love at all is to be vulnerable." 

The Four Loves (1960)

“I sometimes wonder if all pleasures are not substitutes for joy.” 

Mere Christianity (1952)

May the Joy of the LORD be your strength, Pastor Jeff

Fear

Greetings All,

     Today's 'thought' goes out to those who may be wrestling with fear.  Fear of inadequacy, fear of failure, fear of being vulnerable, and even the common fear of those in ministry -- the fear of letting God down or not doing things in a fashion worthy of His glory (as inappropriate as such thinking can in many cases be).

     This excerpt comes from Sheila Walsh and is found in the little gem of a book entitled, "The Desert Experience."

     







In it she is extremely open, honest, and transparent. And as is typical of her writings, they are saturated with grace-filled insights. I offer it to any who might be dealing with a fear of their own profound sense of inadequacy. Enjoy.

     "All I know is that I was slowly dying inside. I was lonely.  I was afraid. I was unbearably sad. What added to my hopelessness was the fact that I had no idea what was wrong with me. I loved God. I enjoyed serving Him. I believed He loved me.
     Some nights I would drive out of the gates of CBN and turn my car toward the ocean. I would park at the far end of the beach and get out and walk and walk for miles. I remember sitting on a sand dune, gripping my knees to my chest and groaning from a place too deep inside for me to understand. I decided that I was losing my mind.

     My father had died in his thirties in a bleak psychiatric hospital in Scotland. The legacy seemed to be imprinted on my soul, "Like father, like daughter."

     I remember sitting in Pat Robertson's office asking for a leave of absence, telling him that I had been accepted as a patient in a psychiatric unit in a hospital in Washington, D.C.  I was filled with the shame that is particular to those who struggle with mental illness...

     My greatest fear growing up was that I would end up in a place like my father. What I did not know then was that God had planned to deliver me from myself in the ruins of my life. I did not understand then that some of God's most precious gifts come in boxes that make your hands bleed when you open them. Inside is what you have been longing for all your life. Only His love could do that. Only God would do that. Only His love is as fierce and relentless as our deepest pain, our unspoken fears. We become accustomed to simply surviving. God wants more...

     There are doors in our lives we have locked so tight, we are convinced that if we were to open them we would be consumed by what is inside. We would be left alone. But that's the whole, glorious point: We are not alone. I discovered that on that rainy night in October of 1992 when I checked into the hospital. I thought I checked in alone. I wanted to check in alone. But Christ checked in with me. He sat with me, all night, on the floor....

     As the days turned into a week, then two weeks, what I discovered was a group of people very much like myself. They were people who loved God but didn't have all the answers. They were people who were struggling to come to terms with their humanity lived out in imperfect obedience. A pastor who had nothing left to say to his people. A teacher who had lost hope in the future, whose futility had rendered her impotent to give anything at all to her students.  A young girl whose only perceived area of control was to starve herself; the success of her rebellion was killing her. And me... as deep as the marrow of my bones I felt unloved and unlovable... Was I so afraid of my 'not good enoughness' that I kept God's perfect love standing as the front door? It would have been easier if I'd had some terrible sin to confess, what we consider with our skewed human sight to be one of the 'big ones.' But all I had was me and a sense that I was not enough.

     And I was right.

     That was the bad news and the good news rolled into one spectacular gift. I wasn't enough. Even in all my supposed best moments I wasn't enough and never would be. But that's the point. Christ is enough. He loved me completely, shadows and all.

     That hit me one morning as I sat with several of the patients and nurses in a small church. It wasn't a remarkable service or a particularly new sermon topic, but I was raw and open; my defenses were down. And deep in my soul I heard and I believed: 'You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.' I wept the exhausted tears of one who had been wandering alone in the desert for years and finally catches sight of the way home. There was no quick fix or dramatic rescue, just the relief of finding Christ, the Way...

     I had based most of my Christian life on all the things I could do for God. Now I had nothing. I was empty-handed. I was like a newborn child learning how to live. I was living a divine paradox. I had never felt less worthy and yet more loved. I had never been so disenfranchised yet more welcomed by the Father. I began to realize I had spent most of my life trying to make God glad He chose me. I had run myself into the ground because I wanted to be invaluable. Now there was nothing good left to say about myself, and even if there had been I was too tired to say it.

     There seems to be something that the desert experience alone can gift us with. Perhaps it's because there are no distractions. Perhaps it's the very aloneness, the silence, that makes us finally listen to all the rumblings in our souls. Now I think 'How kind of God to let all my greatest fears happen rather than simply to remove them.' I longed for a rescue; He gave me a relationship. I wanted deliverance; He gave me companionship in the ruins. If He had simply removed my fears I would have lived the rest of my life dreading their return. To let them happen and sit with me, bloodied and bruised, was the most precious gift of love...

     A girl was sitting on a bus reading [a book which included a chapter on grace]. The man beside her asked: 'What's grace.'  'I don't know. I haven't gotten that far.'  That was me. I knew it was in the book, I just hadn't gotten to it yet. Grace is impossible to grasp outside of the framework of the love of God. It makes no sense. It's as Lewis Smedes described in his book 'Shame and Grace' -- 'The gift of being declared worthy before we become worthy.'  What a gift, but how contrary to how we live our lives in this world, in the church, where proving yourself is everything. 

     At the moment I began to grasp hold of grace, I was as the prodigal son with his well-rehearsed speech drowned out by the love of his father. There is no quid pro quo with God. We have nothing to give, nothing to barter with. He has and is everything. I now believe that God delights to use those of us who have had our hearts and wills broken in the desert... The desert leaves you with the absolute conviction that there is nothing you can do to make God love you and nothing you can do to negate that love. You are left with the liberating awareness that all we are in our best moments are earthen vessels to contain the grace and glory of God."

     She shares much more, and its all very good and helpful, but if you desire to read that you will need to pick up a copy of the book, which also includes stories by other well-known Christians who have gone through difficult times in the 'desert' (J. I. Packer, John Trent, Charles Stanley, John Maxwell, Jill Briscoe, etc.).

     I will end with one last quote from Shelia that I also have found true in ministry. It is worth much consideration in itself: "The amazing thing was that my brokenness was far greater bridge to others than my apparent wholeness had ever been." How true. How true. 

In the Grip of His Grace, Pastor Jeff

Men and Sexual Temptation

Greetings All,

   This week's 'thought' comes to you from Jay Kesler's book, "Being Holy, Being Human: Dealing With the Incredible Expectations and Pressures of Ministry."  The book is full of wise pastoral insights, and written in his typically transparent and down-to-earth style. Yet it's for more than just pastors or 'people in the ministry,' since in reality (at least biblically speaking) there's a sense in which all believers are called to be 'priests unto God'  or 'ministers'  -- I Peter 2:9-12.
     Over the weekend I spoke at our church's "Men's Advance" on the topic of "Men and Sexual Temptation" from Proverbs 1-7.  I had intended to read this excerpt at the end but I ran out of time just covering the material in Proverbs 5:1-20; 6:23-29 and 7:1-27.  Therefore, to those who attended I send this out as a way of tying together everything I said, and to those who weren't there, I send it out as a story worth reading, considering and being ready to repeat.  It's great stuff from a great book and a great man -- and yes, even if you're female I believe you can be edified and encouraged by it!  Enjoy.  
     "The only way you can prey on people and turn them into some kind of objects, especially for lust, is to mentally get them out of context. Conversely, if you think of them in context, you're not nearly so tempted to lust. Thus, I find it a good practice in ministry to continually think of people in context. For example, suppose I'm driving down the street and see some beautiful teenager who's dressed in an attention-getting way. My automatic response now is to

contextualize her, to say to myself, “Hey, she's about the age of my daughter. I wonder who her parents are and how she gets along with them?” And suddenly the sexual part of it disappears. The girl hasn't changed, but my perception has. Instead of being an object of sexual thoughts, she's become someone's daughter, someone's little girl. The same thing

is true now that I find myself a college president on a campus that has its share of beautiful coeds. I can't say I haven't noticed them—I'm not blind—but I can honestly say that I don't think of them as a sexual turn-on. To me, they're all someone's daughters, someone's sisters, someone's granddaughters. After I realized how my mind's eye was seeing people in context, I also realized that this is a biblical principle. It's what Paul told Timothy to do in — relate to older women as mothers, to younger women as sisters.

       I've also seen enough lives and ministries ruined by sexual sin that that's a deterrent for me. I've had frightening temptations in my own life that help deter me, too; just thinking about what might have happened if they'd gone another step in the wrong direction scares a lot of sense into me when I need it. We might call that putting yourself in context when you're tempted.

        One time when I was much younger, I was flying to Denver on business, and a young

woman in her twenties was sitting next to me. As we were flying, I noticed she was crying. I wondered if I should say anything or just respect her privacy. But after several minutes, I finally said, "Is there any way I can help you?” "I don't know," she said, then looked away. "Well, I'm involved in youth work, in Youth for Christ," I said. "And I'd be happy to just talk to you if that would help." She began to open up then. She said she had been engaged to a young man, and she'd just learned that he had run off to marry another woman. "The worst part of it is I'm still a virgin," she said. She went on to say that she had always believed that if you kept yourself pure, everything would turn out right. Now she had decided that since a "wild girl" had stolen her man, her remaining pure had been to no avail, and she was going to go to some ski lodge and make up for lost time. "Do you think it's worth giving up what you've always believed because of one painful experience?" I asked. "I don't know," she said, then sank into silence. Finally she continued, "Well, where are you staying tonight?" I told her, and she said she was staying there, too. Then she suggested that maybe after we arrived we could "have a couple of drinks together and see how the evening turns out."

       In effect, she was inviting me to help her initiate her new lifestyle. "I don't want you to be confused," I said. "Let me show you my  

pictures." I took out my wallet and showed her my family photos. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I was putting myself in context. Looking at your wife and children really cools a potentially hot situation. After I showed her  the photos, I



went on, "I sympathize with the pain you feel. If you need someone to tell you you're pretty, let me tell you that you're very pretty. If you need someone to tell you you're sexually attractive, let me tell you that you're very attractive and desirable. But if you want me to say I'm willing to act on that desire, no, I'm not going to do it. You're vulnerable right now; you're in a difficult situation. Further, I'm married. I'm also a Christian. And I'm not going to do it because it would mean taking advantage of you and violating my commitments and my faith." Then I explained a bit of how my faith commitment guides my life. She was silent for a few minutes, but then she said, "Well, if I thought that by waiting the rest of my life I could find another man who would turn down the offer I made to you tonight, I'd stay a virgin till I found him.” I replied, "There are more guys like me out there than you may think. I hope you don't go through with your plan."

        When we got to Denver , I put the young woman in touch with some female YFC staff, and she stayed the night with them. They spent a few days with her and then sent her back home. So far, thank God, I've never been given that kind of offer when I was vulnerable. But I have been tempted, and it's always helped me to put both the woman and myself in context...

               Sexual temptation is all around us these days, and if we're honest with ourselves, we know we're often vulnerable. In spite of all we do to avoid tempting situations, there will be times, such as my experience on the plane, when temptation will stare us right in the face.

Our job is to prepare ourselves and keep our marriages strong before we find ourselves in those situations so that when the temptations come, we'll be able to maintain our integrity—and our ministries.”

 What could one possibly add?  It speaks for itself.  In Christ's Service, Pastor Jeff