Conversion Story of Saint Augustine

Greetings All!

     Last week we considered the conversion story of Charles H. Spurgeon.  This week I'll be sharing the conversion story of Saint Augustine. In the weeks to come I will share some others, because I find the stories of God's unique and saving work in the lives of many different people extremely fascinating!

     For those who are unaware, Augustine lived from 354-430 A.D. in North Africa.  He was born in Numidia (or what is today the country of Algeria) to Berber parents, a group of people indigenous to northern Africa. His father was well-to-do, and his mother Monica was a devout Christian woman.  From a young age it was obvious that Augustine was extremely gifted and intelligent, and so he was sent away to school at 11 years old. There he studied Latin literature and philosophy, as well as pagan beliefs and practices. By 15 years old he admits he preferred hedonism to studying, and by 16 he started to enjoy stealing and began satisfying his sexual cravings.

     At the age of 17 he went away to school in Carthage (present day Tunisia) to study rhetoric. It was here that he would break his mother's heart in two ways:  First, he would fully embrace a hedonistic lifestyle and embark on an affair with a girl that would last 15 years (followed by another affair with another young woman). Lust was the sin that consumed him, and led him at one point to pray his now famous prayer, "Grant me chastity and continence; but not yet."   The second was his rejection of Christianity and his "conversion" to Manichaeanism, a highly elaborate form of Gnosticism which taught that "light" (goodness) was gradually being removed from this world of matter and returning to the world of light (the immaterial spirit world) from which it came, making the world progressively more dark and evil as a result.

     Augustine developed great rhetorical skills and became very knowledgeable of the philosophies behind many faiths. In fact, word of his comprehensive knowledge of many subjects and philosophies, combined with his superior rhetorical skills, led him to be asked (at the age of 30) to be the instructor of rhetoric to the imperial court in Milan, winning him, "the most visible academic position in the Latin world at that time."   After arriving at Milan, Augustine heard of a great Christian preacher named Ambrose. He went to listen to him to see if he was (as some suggested) one of the greatest speakers and rhetoricians in the world.  More interested in his speaking skills than the topic of his messages Augustine went and listened, quickly discovering that Ambrose was indeed one of the best speakers he had ever heard.  He would later confess that Ambrose was one of the primary human instruments God used to break down one of the two major intellectual roadblocks he had in regard to Christianity.

     The following is an account, taken from his classic work, "The Confessions," speaks of the actual moment when he considers himself to have been converted. Enjoy.

     "I fled into the garden with my friend Alypius following step by step, for I had no secret in which he did not share...  We sat down as far as possible from the house. I was greatly disturbed in spirit, and angry at myself with a turbulent indignation, because I had not entered God's will and covenant, while all my bones cried out for me to enter...  Now, when deep reflection had drawn up out of the secret depths of my soul all my misery, and had heaped it up before the sight of my heart, there arose a mighty storm [within me], accompanied by a mighty rain of tears. So that I might give way fully to my tears and lamentations, I stole away from Alypius, for it seemed to me that solitude was more appropriate for the business of weeping. I went far enough away that I could feel that his presence was no restraint upon me....

     [Under great conviction and sorrow for my sins] I flung myself down under a fig tree and gave free course to my tears... And, not indeed in these words, but in this way, I cried to [God]: "And Thou, O Lord, how long? How long, O Lord?  Will you be angry with me forever?  O remember not against us our former iniquities."  For I felt I was still enthralled by them...  I was saying these things and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart when suddenly I heard the voice of a young boy or girl -- I know not which -- coming from the neighboring house. It was chanting over and over again in song: "Tolle Lege. Tolle Lege" ("Pick it up, read it. Pick it up, read it").  Immediately I ceased weeping and began most earnestly to wonder whether it was usual for children in some kind of game to sing such a song, but I could not remember ever having heard anything like it.  So, stopping the torrent of my tears, I got to my feet, for I could not help but think this was a divine command to open the Bible and read the first passage I should see.  I had heard about how Anthony had accidentally come into church when the Gospel was being read and received the admonition as if what had been read was addressed specifically to him: "Go sell all you have and give it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven, and come follow me." By such an oracle he was converted...

     So I quickly returned to the bench where Alypius was sitting, for there I had put down the apostle's book (Romans) when I had left there.  I snatched it up, opened it, and in silence read the first paragraph my eyes fell upon: "Not in rioting and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality or wantonness, not in strife and envying, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof" [Romans 13:13].  I wanted to read no further, nor did I need to. For instantly, as the sentence ended, there was infused in my heart something like the light of full certainty and all gloom and doubt vanished away.  Closing the book, and putting my finger or something else to mark the spot, I began -- now with a tranquil countenance -- to tell it all to Alypius. He then disclosed to me what had been going on in himself, of which I knew nothing. He asked to see what I had read. I showed him and he read on even further than I had read. I had no known what came next, but it was this: "Him that is weak in the faith, receive." This he applied to himself and told me so. By these words he was strengthened and joined me in full commitment [to Christ] without any restless hesitation.

     Then we went in to my mother and told her what had happened, to her great joy.  We explained to her how it had occurred and she leaped for joy triumphant; and she blessed You who are "able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think." For she saw that You had granted her far more than she had ever asked for in all her pitiful and sad-hearted lamentations."

     Years earlier (when Augustine was in his late teens) Monica had a dream. In it she was standing on "a rule of wood" (a plank or platform she took to be the "rule of faith"). In the dream, she met a young man to whom she despaired of her son's "living death" [in sin] and expressed her desire that he should come to know God. The young man told her to have no fear and to look around to see who was with her on the rule... and there stood her son Augustine!  She considered the dream prophetic in nature and told Augustine. He threw it back in her face and told that far from the dream meaning that he would become a Christian, it meant that she would join him and embrace Manichaeanism!

     After asking Ambrose and others to do something numerous time to intervene on Augustine's behalf, Ambrose told her: "Leave him alone and just pray,"  and added, "Go, I beg you. The son of so many tears cannot perish."   What a wonderful account of how the God of grace rescues and redeems His chosen ones through the conviction of sin, the preaching of the Gospel, the simple reading of the Word, and the love of a mother who would not give up praying for her wayward son.

In His Service, Pastor Jeff

A Godward Life

Greetings All,

     This week's "thought" comes to you from John Piper and is found in his book, "A Godward Life."  This selection speaks of the extraordinary gifts of a man named Charles Haddon Spurgeon -- a man who has been called by many, "The Prince of Preachers," or "the best preacher that ever lived."

     After reading of his life accomplishments, it's nearly impossible for any pastor not to envy -- even though the 10th Commandment forbids that!  Yet, even though what Piper shares about Spurgeon's amazing life relate to his work in the pastorate, the things we can learn from our reaction to his accomplishments can apply to anyone we admire who is extraordinarily gifted. Thus I offer it to you for your consideration. Enjoy.

"Mountains Are Not Meant to Be Envied"

 Awed Thoughts on Charles Spurgeon

     "... If you try to make a Minnesota hill imitate a mountain, you will make a fool of your hill.  Hills have their place too. So do the Nebraska plains. If the whole world were mountains, where would we grow wheat for bread? Every time you eat bread say, "Thank God for Nebraska!"

     I'm talking about Charles Haddon Spurgeon. I am warning my wavering self he is not to be imitated.  Spurgeon preached as a Baptist pastor in London from 1854 until 1891 -- thirty-eight years of ministry in one place. He died January 31, 1892, at the age of fifty-seven. His collected sermons fill sixty-three volumes equivalent to the twenty-seven volume edition of the Encyclopedia Brittanica and stand as the largest set of books by a single author in the history of Christianity.  He read six books a week and could remember what was in them and where [on one occasion quoting both the page and paragraph where a quote was found]. He read Pilgrim's Progress more than 100 times.

     He added 14,460 people to his church membership and did almost all the membership interviews himself. He could look out on a congregation of 5,000 and name the members. He founded a pastor's college and trained almost 900 men during his pastorate. Spurgeon once said he had counted as many as eight sets of thoughts that passed through his mind at the same time while he was preaching. He often prayed for his people during the very sermon he was preaching to them.  He would preach for 40 minutes at 140 words per minute from a small sheet of notes that he had worked up the night before. The result? More than twenty-five thousand copies of his sermons were sold each week in twenty-seven languages, and someone was converted each week through the written sermons.

     Spurgeon was married and had two sons (twins) who both became pastors. His wife Susannah (who died the same year as Charles, though three years older) was an invalid most of her life and rarely heard him preach. He founded an orphanage (funded mainly through the sales of his sermons), started a home for poor widows, edited a magazine, and produced more than 140 other books (three of which sold over 1,000,000 copies and one of which is still a best-seller). He responded to 500 letters a week and often preached ten times a week in various churches as well as his own. He suffered from gout, rheumatism and Bright's disease, and in the last twenty years of his ministry, he was so sick that he missed a third of the Sunday's at the Metropolitan Tabernacle. He was a politically liberal and conservative Calvinistic Baptist who smoked cigars, spoke his mind, believed in hell, and wept over the perishing, ten's of thousands of whom were saved through his soul-winning passion....

     What shall we make of such a man?  Neither a god nor a goal. He should not be worshiped or envied. He is too small for one and too big for the other. If we worship such men we are idolaters. If we envy them we are fools. Mountains are not meant to be envied. They are meant to be marveled at for the sake of their Maker. They are the mountains of God. More than that, without envy, we are meant to climb into their minds and hearts and revel in what they saw so clearly and what they felt so deeply. We are to benefit from them without craving to be them. When we learn this, we can relax and enjoy them. Until we learn it, they may make us miserable, because they highlight our weaknesses. Well, we are weak, and to be reminded of it is good. But we also need to be reminded that, compared with our inferiority to God, the distance between us and Spurgeon is nothing. We are all utterly dependent on our Father's grace.

     Spurgeon had his sins. That may comfort us in our weak moments. But let us rather be comforted that his greatness was a free gift of God -- to us as well as to him. Let us be, by the grace of God, all that we can be for the glory of God (I Corinthians 15:10). In our smallness, let us not become smaller by envy, but rather, larger by humble admiration and gratitude for the gifts of others. Do not envy the mountain, glory in its Creator.  You'll find the air up there cool, fresh and invigorating and the view stunning beyond description. So don't envy. Enjoy!" 

     There are few preaching pastors who did not study Spurgeon, and of those that did, probably most have coveted some of the many gifts he had or the things he was able to do.

     He had preached 600 times before he was 20 and had such a booming voice he once preached to a crowd of 23,654 people with no microphone or amplification.  He had a photographic memory, pastored the largest independent congregation in the world in his day, and was not tempted by money, giving most of it away to charity or missions. He worked 18 hours a day, had an uncanny ability to paint pictures with words, came up with phenomenal illustrations from everyday life on a regular basis (many of which I have used), and would frequently ask his members NOT to come to church the next Sunday so that the lines of visitors who waited outside each week might be able to get in to have a seat.

     Yes, it's easy to envy or want to be like Spurgeon (I have often)!  But that would be to question God's sovereignty. That would be to forget that God makes each person just as he desires, not that we may wish we were someone other than who we are, but that we might praise His wisdom and be content to simply be who he's made us to be -- weaknesses and all. The giants of the faith are there to inspire us, and we can thank God for their example. But they can actually be a distraction and cause us harm if we end up idolizing them and lamenting us.  God gives us mountains to admire, not imitate, for as Piper points out, the rolling hills and the flat plains have their particular purposes too! 

In the Bonds of Christian Charity, Pastor Jeff