Last week we considered the conversion story of Charles H. Spurgeon. This week I'll be sharing the conversion story of Saint Augustine. In the weeks to come I will share some others, because I find the stories of God's unique and saving work in the lives of many different people extremely fascinating!
For
those who are unaware, Augustine lived from 354-430 A.D. in North Africa.
He was born in Numidia (or what is today the country of Algeria) to Berber
parents, a group of people indigenous to northern Africa. His father was
well-to-do, and his mother Monica was a devout Christian woman. From a
young age it was obvious that Augustine was extremely gifted and intelligent,
and so he was sent away to school at 11 years old. There he studied Latin
literature and philosophy, as well as pagan beliefs and practices. By 15 years
old he admits he preferred hedonism to studying, and by 16 he started to enjoy
stealing and began satisfying his sexual cravings.
At
the age of 17 he went away to school in Carthage (present day Tunisia) to study
rhetoric. It was here that he would break his mother's heart in two
ways: First, he would fully embrace a hedonistic
lifestyle and embark on an affair with a girl that would last 15 years
(followed by another affair with another young woman). Lust was the sin that
consumed him, and led him at one point to pray his now famous prayer, "Grant me
chastity and continence; but not yet." The second was
his rejection of Christianity and his "conversion" to Manichaeanism, a highly elaborate
form of Gnosticism which taught that "light" (goodness) was gradually
being removed from this world of matter and returning to the world of
light (the immaterial spirit world) from which it came, making the world
progressively more dark and evil as a result.
Augustine
developed great rhetorical skills and became very knowledgeable of the
philosophies behind many faiths. In fact, word of his
comprehensive knowledge of many subjects and philosophies, combined with his superior
rhetorical skills, led him to be asked (at the age of 30) to be the instructor
of rhetoric to the imperial court in Milan, winning him, "the most
visible academic position in the Latin world at that time." After
arriving at Milan, Augustine heard of a great Christian preacher named
Ambrose. He
went to listen to him to see if he was (as some suggested) one of the
greatest speakers and rhetoricians in the world. More interested in his
speaking skills than the topic of his messages Augustine went and listened,
quickly discovering that Ambrose was indeed one of the best speakers he had
ever heard. He would later confess that Ambrose was one of the primary
human instruments God used to break down one of the two major intellectual
roadblocks he had in regard to Christianity.
The
following is an account, taken from his classic work, "The
Confessions," speaks of the actual moment when he considers himself to
have been converted. Enjoy."I fled into the garden with my friend Alypius following step by step, for I had no secret in which he did not share... We sat down as far as possible from the house. I was greatly disturbed in spirit, and angry at myself with a turbulent indignation, because I had not entered God's will and covenant, while all my bones cried out for me to enter... Now, when deep reflection had drawn up out of the secret depths of my soul all my misery, and had heaped it up before the sight of my heart, there arose a mighty storm [within me], accompanied by a mighty rain of tears. So that I might give way fully to my tears and lamentations, I stole away from Alypius, for it seemed to me that solitude was more appropriate for the business of weeping. I went far enough away that I could feel that his presence was no restraint upon me....
[Under
great conviction and sorrow for my sins] I flung myself down under a fig tree
and gave free course to my tears... And, not indeed in these words, but in this
way, I cried to [God]: "And Thou, O Lord, how long? How long, O
Lord? Will you be angry with me forever? O remember not against us
our former iniquities." For I felt I was still enthralled by them...
I was saying these things and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart
when suddenly I heard the voice of a young boy or girl -- I know not which --
coming from the neighboring house. It was chanting over and over again in song:
"Tolle Lege. Tolle Lege" ("Pick it up, read it. Pick it up, read
it"). Immediately I ceased weeping and began most earnestly to
wonder whether it was usual for children in some kind of game to sing such a
song, but I could not remember ever having heard anything like it. So,
stopping the torrent of my tears, I got to my feet, for I could not help but
think this was a divine command to open the Bible and read the first passage I
should see. I had heard about how Anthony had accidentally come into
church when the Gospel was being read and received the admonition as if what
had been read was addressed specifically to him: "Go sell all you have and
give it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven, and come follow
me." By such an oracle he was converted...
So
I quickly returned to the bench where Alypius was sitting, for there I had put
down the apostle's book (Romans) when I had left there. I snatched it up,
opened it, and in silence read the first paragraph my eyes fell upon: "Not
in rioting and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality or wantonness, not in
strife and envying, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for
the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof" [Romans 13:13]. I wanted to
read no further, nor did I need to. For instantly, as the sentence ended, there
was infused in my heart something like the light of full certainty and all
gloom and doubt vanished away. Closing the book, and putting my finger or
something else to mark the spot, I began -- now with a tranquil countenance --
to tell it all to Alypius. He then disclosed to me what had been going on in
himself, of which I knew nothing. He asked to see what I had read. I showed him
and he read on even further than I had read. I had no known what came next, but
it was this: "Him that is weak in the faith, receive." This he
applied to himself and told me so. By these words he was strengthened and
joined me in full commitment [to Christ] without any restless hesitation.
Then
we went in to my mother and told her what had happened, to her great joy.
We explained to her how it had occurred and she leaped for joy triumphant; and
she blessed You who are "able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we
can ask or think." For she saw that You had granted her far more than she
had ever asked for in all her pitiful and sad-hearted lamentations."
Years
earlier (when Augustine was in his late teens) Monica had
a dream. In it she was standing
on "a rule of wood" (a plank or platform she took to
be the "rule of faith"). In the dream, she met a young man to whom
she despaired of her son's "living death" [in sin] and expressed her
desire that he should come to know God. The young man told her to have no fear
and to look around to see who was with her on the rule... and there stood her
son Augustine! She considered the dream prophetic in nature and told
Augustine. He threw it back in her face and told that far from the dream
meaning that he would become a Christian, it meant that she would join him and
embrace Manichaeanism!
After
asking Ambrose and others to do something numerous time to intervene on
Augustine's behalf, Ambrose told her: "Leave him alone and
just pray," and added, "Go,
I beg you. The son of so many tears cannot perish." What
a wonderful account of how the God of grace rescues and redeems His chosen ones
through the conviction of sin, the preaching of the Gospel, the simple reading
of the Word, and the love of a mother who would not give up praying for her
wayward son.
In His Service, Pastor Jeff
